My Cat Attacks Me While I Am Sleeping

Kneading is the motion cats make by rhythmically alternating their paws, pushing in and out against a pliable, soft object (such as a lap or my crotch). Not all cats knead in the same way; some never push out their claws at all, and some even use all four paws. My cat is a claws out kneader and his favorite target is my crotch while I am sleeping. I inherited this little bastard.

I don't like him climbing all over me so he waits until I fall asleep and then sneaks onto my lap to sleep. Before he lays down he kneads like he is trying to soften his bed. Believe me I can not get any softer. I usually sleep through this process but he has a habit of kneading my crotch with his claws out.

Claw to ball sack is not good, lol. I am awaken with a sharp pain like I am being stuck with a needle. I jump, the cat gets tossed into the air and lands with a thump on the wood floor. I imagine if this was filmed it would make a good YouTube video with lots of laughs produced.

I have considered wearing a hard cup to protect myself. Seems extreme though.

I have considered this kind but I am sure he will find a way to stick his claws in those little holes.

 

 

This might be better.

 

I wonder if they have my size. Extra small will fit well, lol. I may have to use one meant for Little League.

 

Randy

Waxing The Silver Back Gorilla Or Just A Little Off My Back Please

"Really hairy backs on men turn me off. I'm not into the ape thing at all. Or beer bellies and flabby arms, either. Also, one random nose hair which is longer than the others... that's gross", Nadine Velazquez.

With a few exceptions male models are always depicted without body hair. Male grooming has become an all day affair that would make our male ancestors cringe and may be one more bit of proof for those who believe that there is a process going on to wussify the American male.

Can you imagine what this magnificent creature would look like if he was waxed, shaved and pampered into a state of hairlessness.

 

He is not so majestic now kiddies!!

 

Men are under going shaving, waxing, laser removal, cream removal and electroysis to look like those men pictured on magazine covers. All because women have been convinced that a man should be hairless to be sexy.

 

I remember the days when women would love to play in men's chest hair. Now they are giving their men gift cards to spas so they can be waxed.

 

Truthfully this is all the fault of men. Our obsession with the clean and hairless female form has given rise to a a new generation of women who want the same in their men. Maybe Europe has this correct; a little hair on a woman is OK.

 

 

This may be a but much but I think you get my point.

 

 

I might look like a neanderthal but I will guarantee I am as good as a wussified shaved and waxed man any day of the week. Gray hair an all, lol.

 



So the American male is at a hairy crossroad. Do we think with our little heads and succumb to the whims of our female partners and wax our bodies into wussified teenage boys just to get a little. Or do we use our actual brains and stand up for our hairy civil rights and show women that even cavemen can be good lovers.

 

"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy", Demetri Martin.

 

Hmmm!! Why do I feel like a squirrel right now.

 

Randy

The State Of The Onion Speech Is Over For Another Year

'State Of The Onion'; that is what I started calling this since I was in the Army back in the early 70's. A two hour exercise in American political rhetoric that rarely touches on reality and comes to fruition less than a geek's chance on getting laid.

President Obama is no different than his predecessors; long on seeing the problems and short on finding the will power to solve them. I believe that one of the requirements to be an elected official, for national office, is the lack of a spine.

This year did bring some disturbing ideas to the forefront. President Obama's willingness to bypass congress and the senate with executive orders concerns me. I understand his thinking as he is up against a do nothing legislative branch and bypassing them may look like a good idea on paper but I question the constitutionality of this process. I am sure there will be court challenges to the presidents executive orders. I am also sure we will see long and tedious committee investigations on these orders as well. More political rhetoric and party grandstanding.

I like to make jokes about politicians but it is difficult to make jokes about failing school systems, an out of control national debt, income and gender inequality and the loss of 'The American Dream' to so many of our citizens. It is easy to poke fun at our national elected officials for their impotent governing but so sad that the opportunity exists to to it.

I believe it was President Lincoln that said, " A country divided against itself can not stand". We are such a country now. The guns are silent but so are the problem solvers. If we are not careful 500 years from now historians will be discussing 'The Rise and Fall of the United States' in their classrooms.

Randy

Farting Cows Make Barn Explode In Germany

Police stated "that high levels of the methane gas had built up within the structure in the central German town of Rasdorf on Monday thanks to animal belches and flatulence, before “a static electric charge caused the gas to explode with flashes of flames”.

I find this story somewhat disturbing and the implications of possible terrorist involvement worrisome.

Although cows can emit up to 500 litres of the greenhouse gas methane each every day through belching and flatulence I wonder if terrorists could find a way of harnessing cows gassy nature to evil ends.

 



So many questions come to mind. If this is not an act of terrorist bomb development; how did it really occur? Can cows light matches without opposable thumbs? Could sex be involved? Since bulls are not let into barns during milking was this a case of cow same sex friction activity brought on by the mass same sex marriages on the 2014 Grammy Awards?

There are approximately 1.5 billion cows on Earth. That translates to 1.5 billion potential terrorist bombs. Are the Russians inspecting cows in the vicinity of Sochi?

I picture terrorists, with their bovine accomplices, dressed as Russian dairy farmers attacking soft targets in Sochi. I would avoid any place that uses milk. Coffee shops and cheese stores come to mind.

While it is utterly impossible to tell a possible terrorist cow from a peace loving cow I am personally looking out for this one,

 

Cow Laden

 

The next time you small methane gas and see a cow ask yourself; "Is that her cud she is chewing or is she trying to light a fuse?". It may save your life!!

 

Randy



A Traitor Has Come Into My Life

Treachery so deep it pains me to talk about it and it exists within my own household. I live in a suburb that borders farms. We always have field mice running around. On occasion they find their way into the house and have to be dislodged before they establish a home.

It is usually an easy job to rid the house of them but if they have help that job becomes much harder. I have captured two infiltrating field mice in my house in the past month. Enter my traitorous cat. Last night, being concerned about him being outside in the cold I went out to call him into the house.

I found him in deep conference with a field mouse.

The traitorous little bastard!!

 

It's no wonder he wanted me to support a ban on the use of chemical weapons. He was protecting his allies from my liberal use of rat poison.

 

Oh he is so loving when he wants his food bowl filled but once its full he starts to wander the house mapping out ways to let his little sneaky friends into the house. What I mistook for normal cat curiosity was really and act of war.

 

I should change his name from Tigger to Benedict Arnold.

 

I have built up my defences and am keeping them secret so my little in house traitor can not leak them.

 

I blame these guys for starting a trend of 'cat and mouse cooperation';

 

 

Why didn't I see this coming? I watched these guys for hours as a kid. Shame on me.

Personally this is the only cat I am petting with from now on,

 

 

Now that's an ally, lol.

Randy

Alternative To The Winter Olympics

The threat of terrorist attacks in Sochi is acting as a deterrent to ticket sales. I have an alternative event that will be safer and possibly more fun.

The German town of Braunlage will host the fifth annual Naked Sledding World Championships on February 15, 2014. Participants are topless with the only allowed clothes being undies, snow boots and gloves. Applications, for both Male and female sledders, are now being accepted. Last year only 30 sledders were chosen from over 5,000 applicants. Top prize~$1,000.

The course is 97 yards of frozen track and was attended by some 25,000 spectators last year. It seems the main athletic attribute is that you look good naked. HMMM! Guess that disqualifies me, lol.

I wonder if some television network will broadcast this event? I guarantee I will be watching this event if ESPN 8, The Ocho, has it on. If they broadcast the Naked Sledding Championships followed by a topless Dodge Ball Tournament it could be a sports coup for the ages.

My money is on the blond, lol!

 

See you all at the games!!!

 

Randy

12 Years A Slave

I remember watching The Passion Of Christ in 2004 and the feeling I had when walking out of the theater after the movies. I remember that no one spoke and the silence was deafening. I felt sadness, guilt and sorrow over what I considered the greatest injustice of all time.

Yesterday I saw 12 Years A Slave and had a very similar reaction, I am not saying that Solomon Northrup was on the same plain as Jesus but I had this feeling of guilt and sorrow for Solomom's plight. The injustice done against this man and those that suffered along with him is heartbreaking.

Slavery is an abomination against humanity, against God. Yet to this day it still exists. According to The Global Slavery Index of 2013 there are approximately 13-14 million enslaved in India, 2 million in Pakistan, millions still enslaved throughout Africa and an estimated 30 million world wide endure modern day slavery.

According to Nicolas D. Kristof, in his article 'Slavery Isn't A Thing Of The Past, even here in the United States we are not immune form the disease of slavery. From modern sex slaves to illegal immigrants forced to work without wages under threat of violence, he estimates some 60,000 are enslaved in the Unites States.

It seems no country is immune.

There will always be people who will try and take advantage of the weak or unfortunate among us. It is up to all of us, as members of the human race, keep a look out for these situations and speak up when we find them.

Human Rights are the responsibility of every one of us!!!

Randy

My Webcam Adds 3 Pounds To My Penis!!!!

Personally I would prefer it to add 3 inches but I will take what I can get, lol. Research shows that most women prefer girth over length, and scientific precedent proves it. As Men's Health has noted, several comprehensive studies on this very topic concluded girth always comes out the winner.

So am I a real 'dick' for broaching this subject? Am I making long pixie stick guys uncomfortable with their own members? Will the suicide rate for men with long thin members go on the rise after they read this?

More importantly; do I care at all? LOL, probably not!

 No I am not a dick head but many men in Second Life are.

 

Men are born in Second Life with a mangina - a male body that looks like a Ken doll. As noobs we run to try and improve this condition.

 

The result of arming a noob with a penis is seen in this picture.



Teleporting from sim to sim with their flag at full mast oblivious to what is going on with their own avatar.

This is what I picture women see when 'noob penis' lands in their area, lol.

 

This is how these 'noobs' or worse the 'wanna sex me guys' see themselves.

 

In reality, sitting behind their protective computer screens this is what is really going on.

 

In Second Life every man is hung like Stallions. In Real Life not so much.

Now where are those upgrades to my body that evolution promises? I want to be a
Stallion not a Shar Pei....

Randy

 

Getting Moving In The Morning Is Tough These Days

I remember when my alarm went off  in the morning and I could jump out of bed, do everything I needed to do to get ready to leave the house and be out the door in under an hour. These days the alarm goes off and two hours later I am still trying to get myself motivated to do anything.

I always seem to have some pain or discomfort that has no rhyme or reason for existing. Today it's my right foot. No swelling just pain.

What I felt like at 35 years old.



What I felt like this morning, lol.



 I know it has a lot to do with my age and illness but it's frustrating. I was looking at a television commercial yesterday for a product called the 'total gym'. The guy being interviewed was 72 years old and ripped. I looked at my self and the only rip on me was in my sock.

Everything is moving south on me and it's not pretty, lol. Gravity is an enemy that is hard to best. No wonder they write songs about it.

The happy part about watching my body make its aging changes is that my mind has stayed clear as a bell. Oh I have my moments but we all do. The other cool thing is all my parts still work and are functional. Gold star for me, lol.

An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.”
“I am afraid it’s just old age,” replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.”
“That can’t be,” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.”
“Why do you say that?” countered the doctor.
“Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

That's about how I felt when I awoke this morning. I can joke about this because I know that by tomorrow my foot will feel fine and some other ache will climb on board.

Such is the life of an aging body.

Randy

72 Virgins~~Hell I Might Blow Something Up

The promise of meeting up with 72 virgins in heaven after one martyrs oneself is an intriguing idea. But I have my doubts that God could keep up with producing virgins at the pace people are martyring themselves. There has been approximately 5000 suicide bombings, a very conservative estimate I think, so 5000 x 72 virgins per bomber = 360,000 virgins. I do not think there are that many virgins in the entire United States over the age of 18. Now with women getting into the bombing act male virgins will be needed. Good luck with that, lol.

I really need to rethink my idea of martyrdom.

 

According to 'Cecil's Storehouse of Human Knowledge'; "Even if we leave out the racy detail and make allowances for metaphor, we're obliged to admit that Islamic heaven is a pretty rockin' place, with an emphasis on sensual pleasures. The provision of virgins in indeterminate quantities is alluded to at numerous points, and you know they're not just there to fluff the pillows. (In fairness to the Prophet, the physical quality usually attributed to the houris, as they're called, is "wide lovely eyes.") The food, service, ambiance, etc, are great. You're allowed to enjoy things the Koran explicitly denies you on earth, such as alcohol, and you won't even get sick. ("Wine … delicious to those who drink it … will neither dull their senses nor they will become drunk.") Granted, the whole thing is skewed toward the male idea of a good time, a defect by no means confined to Islam. Were Muhammad to found a religion today, I'm confident that each female arrival in heaven would be assigned a comely stud who would provide fabulous sex and in addition hang the curtain rods the first time he was asked. Granted, also, the emphasis on virgins is a little weird. (Think back on the first nights you've been party to. Was this your idea of great sex?) Still, you have to admit, heaven as Party Central sure beats the Christian idea of angels with harps."

Yes Heaven as Party Central is a good idea. Especially if I arrived as a good looking young stud who laughs at the thought of using that little blue pill. Can you imagine eating, no gorging yourself, on a fantastic meal with alcohol and still being able to perform like a stallion in bed. The thought sends shivers through every inch of me. Not that there are many inches to go through, lol.

I picture this when I arrive in heaven looking for my 72 virgins;

Yeppers grade school all over again, lol.

 

 

It seems pretty far fetched that God would provide virgins in heaven when on Earth we are in a constant search for that elusive virgin. Maybe Duck Dynasty should change its main prey to virgins and change the name of the show to Virgin Dynasty.

 

I am sure that some eager student of the Koran will ask his Imam to put a fatwa out on me after this showing of disrespect. I ask only one thing. Please put a 'thinwa' out on me so I feel better about my body image. Now that would make me happy!!

 

Randy

Your Opinions~~Poke Them With A Stick

"Opinions are like assholes in that everyone has one. But I believe opinions differ significantly from assholes as they should be constantly and thoroughly examined", Tim Minchin.

Admittedly I am opinionated but I am willing to be flexible and examine my opinions and change them with when new facts arise. So I consider myself 'Flexiopinionated'. I just made that word up so it's mine. Hands off!!!

Don't get me wrong; there is nothing evil about having a strong opinion about anything unless you find it necessary to try and force your opinion on someone else. The only entitlement I believe in is that we are entitled to our own opinion no matter how far out there that opinion might be.

Opinions can be harmless or they may manifest themselves in evil acts. I believe that French onion soup is the best soup but chicken noddle soup lovers would disagree. A harmless assumption that will probably not start a brawl.

The most reactionary opinions come in politics and religion. Most of the worlds violence is perpetrated because of someone's political or religious opinions, beliefs.

We need to examine our opinions daily. The world changes with each minute that passes. Our live change everyday. A constant examination of our opinions taking into account our prejudices and our biases is necessary.

Apply critical thought to your opinions. Even though I believe that our educational system is failing students in the development of critical thinking skills, my opinion, it is important to examine your opinions from other points of view.

Do not be afraid to have opinions that are original. Progress is made through original thought and opinions.

Do not be afraid to express your opinion openly. Only through taking your opinions out for a test drive will you find the truth of fallacy in them. By opening your opinions up to discussion you allow yourself the opportunity to examine them and change them.

Finally do not fear changing your opinion. Few things are set in stone. Be 'flexiopinionated'.

For the record; my opinions are always correct so don't challenge them, lol.

Randy

PS....For those of you following the my short story 'The Promise'; I was asked to not make it public at this time by a principal who the story is based on. I will finish it in private and publish it at a later time.

The Promise,Chapter 2~~A Short Story By Randy Mantovani

Chapter 2

　

Gaming was a way to clear his mind of the problems life threw at him. Through gaming he could be king of his own castle, leader of men and a railroad tycoon. It also gave him the opportunity of interaction with others without revealing his true identity, His problems were left at the sign window and he became a new person.

Quite by accident he found an article about a new game called Second Life. Intrigued he joined hoping this might fill the void that he was floundering in.

It was a strange place made up of people from all over the world and he soon found friends and started a new life behind the anonymity of his avatar. He lost himself in this new world spending nearly every waking hour bathing in its many opportunities.

Music became his passion and each night he would attend shows of the many singers that populated this world. He would lose himself in the music and forget all his troubles.

Entering a venue one night to attend a show he saw her. Dancing alone in a corner. Conversation was flying rampant around the room but not a word from her. He greeted her in private and asked her to dance. His heart jump when she said yes. He soon found out that she spoke very little English and he spoke no Swedish at all.

Somehow they communicated and a path was set for them. From that night on his every minute was hers. He helped her learn English and she laughed at his pathetic attempt to learn Swedish. But learn they did and in the process they also learned to love each other.

They were realistic about their relationship. Five thousand miles made any real life relationship improbable. The six hour time difference was an insurmountable problem but some how they worked it out. Night after night they learned about each other, enjoyed each others company and let their feelings grow.

They were living as normal a life two pixilated avatars could live. He had never had a relationship like this with a woman before. There were no arguments or disagreements. Being in a non physical state allowed them to get close without all the stumbling blocks that humans have when living together.

No socks on the floor, no bathrooms to clean or meals to cook. Just quality time spent between the essence of two people who found common ground, respect and love.

Their years together proved to be the experience of a lifetime for both of them. The pains that real life had given them disappeared when they were together. He absorbed the hardships of her life and became a comforting port for her and she did the same for him.

Each night, while their avatars laid in bed, they talked about their dreams; each finding a way to support the other.

It was a good life and one he wished was beyond the pixels. But once log off occurred the reality of real life set back in.
　

The Promise,Chapter 1~~A Short Story By Randy Mantovani

The Promise

Chapter 1

　
His family gathered around him and he could feel the sadness. After all these years his time had finally come and he was at peace. He had so much he wanted to say to them but he could not form the words. Age and illness had taken speech from him but his mind formed the words even if his mouth could not release them.

He had waited so many years for this day. The day he would fulfill his promise to her. A promise made twenty five years ago when it was she who laid upon a bed similar to this and slowly passed from his life. That day of profound pain that brought tears with every thought of her had lingered all these years.

His eyes closed and he felt his life slip away. His children saw his mouth form a smile as he passed. His first smile in years.

The fog had a soft quality to it. But with the coming sun rise he was having problems adjusting his eyes to the light of the coming day. He could hear music filling the air from some where. A love song. Nat King Cole's 'When I fall in love'. Their song.

 Then he saw her. Coming out of the fog. Like a ghost at first. Fog swirling around her. Softening her look. As she walked toward him it seemed she was floating above the fog. The sun rising behind her sending light in his direction.

“Was I meeting an angel? Am I dreaming? Is this the next life we had talked about?” So many questions invading his mind. And yet there she was, walking toward him. That smile. That glorious smile.

As she moved closer the fog parted exposing a path behind her. She stopped, and
without saying a word he knew that this path was there for him to follow. She reached out her hand and he took it. Her touch so soft and gentle. She was smiling, That smile that brings me pleasure and a sense of safety.

 Slowly they moved down the path. Not a word passing between them. But the look that came over her face spoke volumes of her love for him. He felt tears on his cheeks.

A love that does not need words. Affection and love passed between them through their eyes. As they moved down the path the fog was slowly lifting. On each side of the path flowers came into view. Their beloved tulips. So many colors. They seemed to be lighting their way with a warm glow.

The path meandered through fields of these brightly lit tulips. He could not see where it was leading them. He did not care where it lead him as long as they were together. He was being drawn along by the hand of his angel. That is the only reality that mattered.

After a short walk they came to a hill over looking the ocean. It seemed they floated on air down to the beach. At the waters edge lay the flowers they had passed to each other over the tides in their first lives. They still had the bright colors that were present the day that they had sent them to each other over the waves.

They stopped walking and faced each other. Their arms reaching for an embrace. A soft kiss passing between them. The words "I love you" being spoken.

They both realized. They both felt it. The promise they had made to each other. It was here. It had come into their lives at last.

They lived their First Lives. They shared their Second Lives together. And now! Yes now! They had found their next lives. Their Third Lives.

And the song kept playing. When I fall in love. I will love forever. The promise fulfilled.

The Dirt Road,Chapter 8~~A Short Story By Randy Mantovani

8

　

　

Almost two years to the day since I came to Ferry Road and it was moving day for me. I am not leaving Ferry Road because I want to but because I have no choice. The land has been sold and the trailer I rent is being torn down.

John Duffy has been busy all day helping me move my stuff to storage and Margaret Duffy is preparing what is being called My Last Supper.

I will miss this place. The dust, my constant companion, will be a fond memory when I move back into suburbia. My sadness of leaving this place is very much like when I first left my families home to start a life of my own. These past two years had made Ferry Road my family.

Dinner was a loud affair with everyone talking at once. It was a typical Margaret Duffy meal with everything I had ever told her I like to eat laid out before me. All through the meal neighbors arrived with covered dishes for me to take to my new home. I was getting the feeling that they thought I was never going to eat again if they did not provide me with food.

After dinner John Duffy and I walked down to the Farmers Club for a beer. There was a profound sense of sadness on both our parts. We sat in silence for a long time trying to find the words to say goodbye. I was only moving twenty miles away but for John twenty miles might as well been twenty thousand. Of course we would see each other again but never again on a daily basis.

We drank to much with well wishers putting beers on our table at a constant and quick clip. The walk home was more of a stagger than a walk.

Early the next morning I was putting the last few of my possessions in my car when a small crowd started to form near me. John and Margaret Duffy, Alex and Cheyenne Cummings with Alice, Carol Duffy and Anne Duffy, who was holding my dogs as they would not be coming with me, stood staring at me. Tears in the girls eyes.

After a round of hugs and a promise to spend the Thanksgiving with them I climbed into my car and started to drive away.

Through my teary eyes I could barely see the Duffy family through the dust as I drove off.

That dust! That glorious dust!
Randy

PS... The previous 7 chapters can be found in the blogs archives.

A Day Of Disinterest And Boredom

"There's no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there's no excuse for boredom, ever", Viggo Mortensen.

It's obvious that Viggo Mortensen has not seen the news being presented these days. I take much of my inspiration from the news but it always seems the same; bitching about the Affordable Care Act, defending the Affordable Care Act and the cold weather which I do not want to think about.

The only story I found interesting today is about how legal cannabis dealers in Colorado are running out of product because of the demand. But even that holds but a passing interest.

I need a challenge. Since my health has improved I have been antsy to get back to work. Don't get me wrong, retirement is wonderful but financially I can not really enjoy it and truthfully I miss the grind of work. I have been volunteering at a soup kitchen but I find it so boring. Yes it's rewarding and I enjoy it but there is no challenge there.

Writing is my outlet for channelling my boredom but lately my disinterest in what usually inspires me has been overwhelming.

Most likely my solitary living is finally starting to get to me. I have lived so many years with a house full of kids that this silence is deafening. It's a bit funny but I even miss being yelled at for being messy. My cat does not give a damn if I leave my socks on the floor; he thinks they are a play opportunity.

If I had a therapist they would say,"Hmmm he sounds suicidal". But I'm not. Believe me I love myself way to much for any of that nonsense. Boredom does not take away ego and my EGO is Big.

So I have decided to move away from searching the news and turn to original work. Tomorrow the last chapter of my short story, 'Ferry Road', will be posted.

The next day I will begin a new short story based on Second Life. It will be taken from my Second Life experiences but will not be about me. A totally fictitious story of loneliness, vulnerability, love and pain. Something many people will be able to relate.

Damn I feel better already, lol.

Randy

If Your Shoe Comes Untied Is It Operator Error?

If your shoe comes untied is it operator error? A question that needs an answer but a google search found that prior to me being asked that question, a mere 24 hours ago, no one has pondered this problem.

I know there are some who would say that this is a frivolous question without merit but this is a complicated issue. Untied shoelaces have been tied to many accidents with some being fatal. Untied shoelaces have been responsible for interfering with pushing on a cars brake causing a person to drive into a building and shoelaces have been caught in escalators causing potential tragedies.

Untied shoelaces seem to take on a life of there own. Think back to your past experiences with shoelaces. How many times have you tripped over your own untied or poorly tied shoelaces? Personally I can remember a few times when I narrowly escaped a shoelace related mishap.

My theory, as to how so many shoelaces become untied, is a two fold theory. I have eliminated small children's shoelace accidents from my theory as these innocent children are still in the 'learning to tie shoelaces' phase of their little lives.

The first part of my theory is based on the lack of education in developing critical thinking skills that is absent from our present educational environment. The second part of my theory pertains to physical fitness.

Educational Component:

A decreased emphasis on the sciences, in our educational system, has produced a society that is weak in critical thinking skills. The degradation of these skills have given rise to generations of people that are more interested in getting out the door to party than they are in preparing themselves for a safe journey to whatever activity they hope to enjoy.

When rushing off to 'party at the club' and dance away the night, with poorly tied shoelaces, they are laying the ground work for disaster.

Suppose this person, with improperly tied shoelaces, is dancing at a club when a fire breaks out. Human nature tells us that there will be a rush to the door to escape the fire. This person with the malfunctioning shoelaces could trip causing large numbers of people to trip over him. This could cause people to be trampled or lose time in escaping the fire and burn. It could happen!!!

I also want to point out that many young people seem to think it's 'cool' to go around with untied sneaker laces. When you combine untied sneaker laces with ill fitting low hanging pants it's a disaster in the making.  I believe this is also the basis for those 'stupid criminal videos'.

Physical Fitness Component:

The bulging of the American waistline has give rise to, what I call, 'fat feet syndrome'. I believe that our feet are trying to adapt to the added weight we are carrying causing extreme pressure on shoelaces.

When we combine improperly tied shoelaces with fat feet we develop a situation akin to a boiler exceeding maximum pressure. The result: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!

This problem is running rampant throughout the country with no segment of our society immune.

I am calling on President Obama to appoint a 'blue ribbon committee' to oversee the establishment of remedies for this problem.

Be safe kiddies. Most accidents occur within 10 miles of home but in the case of 'shoelace mania' anyplace can become a potential disaster zone.

Tie them tight!!! Check them often!! Only you can prevent shoelace disasters!!

Randy

The Other Side Of The Coin~~Men's Magazines

Yesterdays attempt to discuss, what I believe to be the trashiness of women's magazines, I gave the impression that I felt that women were all gullible and quickly believed the tripe printed within the magazines pages. This was not my intention but I can see where that impression could be taken away from what I wrote.

In all fairness I thought I would look at men's magazines today. If you line up mans magazines side by side you would determine that men's minds are concentrated on 'big boobs and tight asses, car performance and engines, boats and hunting' and not particularly in that order.

The stereotype of the big strapping man, with his air brushed idealistic woman at his side, is perpetrated at very turn. The truth is most men are sitting alone at home crying in their own beer and wondering when the right girl will come along.

Articles like 'Get In Shape', Flat Belly Foods', 'Dress Like A Winner' and 'Grow Muscle Fast' abound. All aimed at trying to make, advertising executives and fashion designers, ideal man to match their idea of the ideal woman. Men eat this stuff up just knowing that one day Megan Fox or Christina Hendricks is going to come through their door and tell them how wonderful they are.

 

Parody Magazine Cover By Momstrosity

 

 

In this parody cover I particularly like the articles titled, 'Megan Fox~Air Brushed 8 Hours By A Photo Retoucher', 'Trash Talk:Help Around The House Will Get You Laid, 'Why You Should Pick Up Your Own Damn Socks' and 'How To Tell When You've Gone From Playa To Creepy, Dirty Old Man'.

 

Funny yes but a hint of truth in those titles.

 

I have never understood men's obsession with the 'ideal woman'. She only exists in the minds of 99% of men. That last 1% are staring in the 'Batchelor or Barchelorette' television shows and I am not sure that they have not been air brushed.

 

Men and are getting married later in life and it may well be that many of them are out there looking for the woman presented to them on magazine covers rather than seeking out women that real life presents to them. It's stupid and futile to believe that Miss Air Brushed will some how fall into our laps and you will live happily ever after.

 

Personally I believe that the girl next door is great, flaws make people interesting and love is where you find it.

 

Being idealistic is nice but at some point reality slaps us in the face and we grow up. When that happens the girl next door becomes our 'idealistic woman' and we actually find what we have been looking for all these years.

 

Randy



The Maze That Is Womens Magazines

Step into the world of magazines aimed at women and we find a web of  sex and relationship advice that seems a little out of touch with real women. Magazine covers promise women weight loss  in articles titled 'Sexy Abs and Butts', 'Bikini Body', 'Lose More Fat', 'Drop One Size' and 'Little Ways To Your Best Body' abound.

Turning from body image articles these magazines offer relationship fixes that range from molding your man into the person you want to promises of a better sex life. Hundreds of magazines offering the same tripe to women each month. Rarely do average women adorn the covers of these magazines. There are a few exceptions to that rule but not many.

Enter Brendan McGinley who spoofed a women's magazine cover back in 2010.

According to a Huffington Post article, "McGinley's parody cover features all-caps bold headlines like "Overanalyzing" and "The Shame & Guilt Issue," taking a not-so-subtle swipe at "trashy" women's magazines focused on sex and relationships.

The parody offers articles titled, 'Tone Your Butt~Until You Are Hot Enough To Be Offended When Guys Appreciate It', 'Sex, Your Doing It Wrong, Damnit', 'Mediocre Sex Now~3, 295,761 Tips', 'Sexy Touch~Tickle His Prostrate With An Egg Beater' and the ever popular 'Sex, No Joke~You Need It So Bad You'd Blow A Baboon'.

I am particularly fond of the article that is attached to the magazine covers picture. 'Gaze Upon The Epic Prow Of Christina Hendricks~The Woman Your Boyfriend Masturbates To'.

I appreciate good parody and this is an excellent example.

All these magazines prey on woman who want to look like the image being sold by fashion designers with there perfect little flawless models. Many woman, in their desire to have the lifestyle described by these published rags, pour millions of dollars into these magazines coffers.

In my opinion it is the flaws in a woman's look that make her interesting. Magazine cover perfection is a product of someones desire to sell magazines to a sometimes desperate female public and the photographer's ability to air brush.

My advice is to look in the mirror, see the beauty that is you, and save the money that you have been spending on these women's magazines to use on a nice vacation.

Oh! One more piece of advice. Do not come near me with an egg beater, lol.

Randy

I Am So Wrecked This Morning~~But I Feel So Good

Happy New Year Kiddies!!!

 

 

I had the more fun this New Years Eve than I have had in many years. CeeCee and I danced the night away, listened to wonderful music and laughed so hard the snorts were flowing freely.

 

A number of Second Life firsts were achieved in the wee hours of the morning. Naked tandem bicycle riding, naked greedy, naked paddle boat riding, naked scooter riding and the evenings top event naked ice skating. I can only describe my performance of naked ice skating as 'light in the loafers', lol. Seeing a naked man doing splits on ice skates, while skating on his patio, is a sight that would irreparably harm the psyche's of anyone who saw it. Thank God no one witnessed the event and hopefully there are no pictures, lol. Watching CeeCee skate around naked was a sight that made me smile though.

 

All this was accomplished without a single drop of alcohol. All was done on the power of sweet tea in the company of a good woman. Does not get any better than that!!

 

As I feel every one of my 65 Real Life years and 104 Second Life years this morning I do feel rejuvenated. To be able to act like a kid again doing all those silly things I can no longer do in Real Life lifts my spirits.

Every January 1st we have a chance to start anew. To toss aside the things that bogged us down and find a new and happier path for ourselves. The power of joy, being happy and especially laughing is rejuvenating to one's soul. To bring that new feeling into someone's life increases the benefits to our hearts and souls ten fold.

The new year will bring changes to our lives. CeeCee returns to singing with the church choir next week and I have started volunteering at a soup kitchen. I can hardly wait to travel up north to hear her sing.

We are both getting healthy. Especially now that the holidays are over and people will stop offering us things we should not eat.  My heart is ticking away nicely and I am feeling really good. CeeCee has given me the gift of feeling my youth again. Yeppers I am 65 going on 12 and loving it, lol.

Happy New Year to all the new friends I have made this year!

Happy New Year to all of the Flash Dancers!

And a very special Happy New Year to anyone I have offended in the past year!!

Randy