Saturday, October 4, 2014

You Must Have Farted~~I Felt My Head Rumble

You Must Have Farted~~I Felt My Head Rumble!!  I actually heard that statement uttered by someones girlfriend  from the back seat of my car. Recently I read something that reminded me of that statement and its implications. No pervs, not the implications of her head being close enough to his butt to be rumbled, lol.

My thought was actually of 'climate change' and the possibility of gas released by humans and its destructive nature toward the environment.

What if every human farted at the same time? It is a scary and pungent thought. A few years ago we were worried about the farts of the 1.5 billion cows having an adverse affect in our environment. Ponder this~~there are over 7 billion people living on planet earth. 7 BILLION!!!!

Can you imagine the environmental damage 7 billion farts will cause tomorrow morning when the 'over night gas build up' is released into our atmosphere. And this happens every freaking morning.

We must deal with this gaseous catastrophe in waiting as soon as possible. DWG(driving while gassy) testing equipment needs to be issued to police officers as soon as humanly possible.

Mexican restaurants need to be closed. Lactose intolerant people need to be sent to camps where there food intake can be monitored. Those with irritable bowl syndrome must me incarcerated.

It seems that most foods cause gas. Research is needed to see which are the greatest producers of pungent environmental human emissions and those need to be either banned or tightly controlled by the Food and Drug Administration.

Beans may have to be sold by physicians prescription only to prevent 'Human Gas Syndrome', the over production of gas through diet in the human species.

Imports of gas producing food, like French cheeses, needs to be heavily monitored.

I propose that President Obama appoint a Gas Czar to over see an entire program of prevention, law enforcement by the 'Fart Squad' that would be formed at the FBI and gas producing food control at all levels of our society.

All convicted farters should be forced to wear this underwear on the outside of their pants so they are easily recognizable.

Ask questions and turn in gas producers to the 'Fart Squad'.