Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Resolutions For The New Year~~Or How Can I Get My Physics ON?

A New Year's resolution is a secular tradition, most common in the West but found around the world, in which a person makes a promise to do an act of self-improvement starting on New Year's Day. Seems pretty simple but in reality very few resolutions last out the year.

People have been making resolutions for thousands of years. The ancient Babylonians made promises to their gods at the start of each year that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. The Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus, for whom the month of January is named. In the Medieval era, the knights took the "peacock vow" at the end of the Christmas season each year to re-affirm their commitment to chivalry.

Now days our resolutions are simpler; lose weight, be punctual, be frugal with our money, only buy 100 pairs of shoes instead of 200 or the ever popular boy friend makeover, lol.

The United States government even gets into the act by suggesting resolutions(found at USA.gov), get a better education, get a better job, save money, manage stress, manage debt, take a trip and reduce, reuse, recycle.

I personally like this resolution made by James Agate, "To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. This is the only real life resolution I will make for 2014.

In Second Life I have only one resolution for the year and it's really more of a challenge. I will spend 2014 searching for scripters who can add 'physics' to my penis so that when I run around the house naked it will bounce and flow normally. A little helicopter action would be fun too.



Monday, December 30, 2013

Elves May Be Icelands Life Savers

I have never been a believer in human made climate change. I believe climate change is a natural occurrence that cycles through the years. But I do believe that humans can affect sections of the earth in small ways. An example may be the fish kills in Iceland. Some people complain that the building of a new bridge may have helped deplete the oxygen levels a fjord where the fish were found.

Because herring tend to "overwinter" in large populations they may have depleted the oxygen in the shallow fjord. Seems reasonable especially if the oxygen levels were lower to start.

Not a pretty sight!!
Iceland has hope in the form of Elves, "Huldufolk," Icelandic for "hidden folk", who many Icelanders want to protect through curbing road and bridge development. One road project has been halted until the Supreme Court of Iceland rules on a case brought by a group known as Friends of Lava, who cite both the environmental and the cultural impact - including the impact on elves - of the road project.  
Scandinavian folklore is full of elves, trolls and other mythological characters. Most people in Norway, Denmark and Sweden haven't taken them seriously since the 19th century, but elves are no joke to many in Iceland.
A survey conducted by the University of Iceland in 2007 found that some 62 percent of the 1,000 respondents thought it was at least possible that elves exist.
Sometimes development has advantages but not at the expense of folklore and history. Iceland is a pristine place with a small population and should be left that way.

"This is a land where your house can be destroyed by something you can't see (earthquakes), where the wind can knock you off your feet, where the smell of sulfur from your taps tells you there is invisible fire not far below your feet, where the northern lights make the sky the biggest television screen in the world, and where hot springs and glaciers `talk,'" Terry Gunnell, a folklore professor at the University of Iceland said.


This is the Iceland I would like to see.

I am cheering for the Elves!!


PS...Most of this blog was gleamed from the article, 'Iceland's Hidden Elves Delay Road Projects'.

Friday, December 27, 2013

The 2013 Darwin Award Goes To.......

The Darwin Awards are a tongue-in-cheek honor given since 1985. They recognize individuals who have contributed to human evolution by self-selecting themselves out of the gene pool via death or sterilization by their own (unnecessarily foolish) actions.

It's sort of like watching the dumbest criminal videos.

While these people died doing activities that won them this award you might say that they committed suicide without it being called suicide. Sad but true incidents of 'death by stupidity'.

Eighth Place: In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place: A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place: While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place: Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place: Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place: After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

Honorable Mention: Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

Runner Up: Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.


Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit Happens'.

Now that's so tragic and sooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Until We Meet Again

“The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come”, Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook. 

I have a friend, a dear friend, who is leaving Second Life because she is getting married in Real Life. I am so very happy for her but as she leaves Second Life saying goodbye is staring us in the face. She posed the these questions to me the other day; How can we say good-bye and will Real Life fill the void?


Two very tough questions. I am the king of goodbyes. I think that I have said more goodbyes in my life than I have said hellos. My experience tells me that there are many different types of goodbyes. Saying goodbye changes with each person and with each relationship. Saying goodbye to a girlfriend, wife, partner or lover is much different than saying goodbye to a friend.

We come to Second Life looking to fill a void in our Real Lives. That void can be because we lack love, are lonely or generally looking for a bit of happiness. I think it's different for all of us.

Making a friend here, a good friend that we can open our soul to is such an emotional experience in Second Life. Being in pixilalted form leaves us emotionally open without a physical form to hide behind.

How can we say goodbye? Frankly we can't and should not say goodbye. We are interweaved into each others lives and that fabric will hold in place as long as we have a breath left in us. It is impossible to say goodbye to someone that is part of your being.

Will Real Life fill the void? I can emphatically say yes to this question!!! The Real Life person you give your love and life to will fill all the voids that missing your Second Life friends creates. You will never forget those friends. They are a part of who you are just as much as any Real Life friend has ever been.

When happiness comes into your Real Life you need to grab it and enjoy every second of it. That is what we live our lives for, what we prepare ourselves for, that moment when we achieve happiness and love.

 "Remember in high school when your best friend moved away to another part of the country or another part of the world? That is a similar feeling when it is time to say good bye to your Second Life friends. An emptiness fills in where your 'pixel friend' once filled. An emptiness that is very hard to explain to those who never witnessed Second Life in the first place could understand. Yes, Second Life emotions are very real and can range from happiness to depression", Rose Fair.

I have watched my partner CeeCee and Rose cry their way through that last week and it breaks my heart. Real Life has never given birth to a friendship better than the one they share.

Be happy Rose. Make a Real Life we can all envy.

How can we say goodbye?

We can't!!

Until We Meet Again!!

We Love You!!

CeeCee and Z

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Rosinenbomber~~My Best Thanks For The Sky Food

"Rosinenbomber" or in English Candy Bomber. It must seem a strange thing to equate the word 'bomber' with the spirit of Christmas giving but that is exactly what Lt. Gail Halvorsen accomplished during the Berlin Airlift back in 1948-1949. During what is called 'Operation Little Vittles'.

From an article by Phil Scott, "They were ragged and starving, these kids who had gathered, amid the ruins, to watch airplanes bring food to Berlin. It was mid-July 1948. Twenty-seven-year-old Lt. Gail Halvorsen had been on the airlift for two weeks, flying an exhausting three round trips each day. Sure that the Russians couldn’t take the heat much longer, he decided to tour Berlin while he still could. So instead of going straight to bed after the day’s flying, Halvorsen picked up his camera and borrowed a jeep. His first stop was the approach end of Runway 27, to watch the landing C-54s. That’s when he saw the kids."

“They could speak a little English,” Halvorsen says. “Their clothes were patched and they hadn’t had gum or candy for two or three years. They barely had enough to eat.”

As he turned to walk back to the base, Halvorsen felt the gum in his pockets. “I had only two sticks, so I broke those in half and handed them to the kids through the fence,” he says. “They chewed the gum and passed around the wrappers and licked them.”

Halvorsen told the kids to come back the next day and he’d drop candy from his C-54. How would they know him from the other transports landing every three minutes? He would rock his wings, he told them.

“The same kids came back the next day. They kept the numbers down by not advertising,” says Halvorsen, who kept his end of the bargain by dropping bundles of candy tied to handkerchief parachutes. More kids showed up the next day, and more the next. Halvorsen kept on delivering, picking up nicknames like “The Chocolate Bomber.”

Lt. Halvorsen tried to keep this operation a secret but soon his commanding officer called him into the office, for what he thought was a court marshall, to commend him on his efforts.

As the word spread about his activities donations of candy started pouring in. 17 tons of candy from American candy makers and another 3 tons from private donations. Candy arrived in boxes already attached to small parachutes. “Then boxes started coming from the States with candy and parachutes attached,” Halvorsen said. “All we had to do was cut the boxes open and dump them outside.”

The spirit of giving is an amazing healing tool. In this case it helped heal the wounds of war. Giving, even little things, can be a gift that improves a life.

To quote Lt. Halvorsen's father, "From little things come big things". Lt. Halvorsen proved that with  two slices of gum.


PS...You can read more about this in the book, 'Candy Bomber~The Story Of The Berlin Airlift's Chocolate Pilot', by Michael O. Tunnell.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

KFC To Pooping Figures In Nativity Scenes~~It's Christmas

Every culture has its own Christmas traditions. For my Sicilian ancestors it is The Feast of the Seven Fishes done on Christmas Eve. In Japan, where only 1% of the population celebrates Christmas it is Kentucky Fried Chicken on Christmas day.

Some traditions can be bizarre like the pooping figure placed in Nativity Scenes in the Catalan part of Spain.

Hidden in the back corner of every traditional Catalan nativity scene sits the Craganer. The tiny figurine of a man with his trousers down, pooping, represents fertility and good fortune and has been part of Catalan Christmas traditions for at least two centuries. More recently, numerous business have started to produce figurines that resemble famous officials, such as Barack Obama.

My Flash Dance friends will enjoy this one. The Burning Goat in Sweden.


Every year since 1966, the Swedish town of Gavle celebrates Christmas by placing a giant yule goat in the middle of the town square. However, arsonists have managed to set the massive straw animal on fire so many times that lighting the temporary monument has almost become a tradition of its own.

I bet there is some goat screaming here, lol.

Czech women predict on Christmas whether they will marry in the next year by throwing a shoe over their shoulders while standing with their backs to the house door. If the shoe lands with the heel toward the door, the woman will stay single for another year.

For Dutch and Flemish children, Christmas comes twice. On Dec. 6, Saint Nicholas travels to the lowlands to hand presents to all the children who behaved well during the year. His black peters are around to help AND to punish those little ones that deserve a lesson.

In the Ukraine Christmas trees are trimmed with fake spiders and webs. Legend has it there once was a poor widow living with her children in a shack. One year, the family managed to obtain a Christmas tree but had no money to decorate it. On Christmas morning, however, spiders spun webs in the tiny tannenbaum, and when the children awoke, the tree appeared to be full of silver and gold.

So whether you eat sugarplums, which are not really plums, mince meat pie, which in most cases does not contain any meat, Christmas pudding, which is not pudding but a cake, or toast to your health with not so healthy eggnog enjoy your Christmas traditions. They are what makes the day special.

Personally I like panettone. One awaits my morning coffee tomorrow.


Monday, December 23, 2013

The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

My son took off his dog tags one day and I noted the religion he had listed on them; Pastafarian. My son has very loose ideas on how God should be worshiped and this is an example of that attitude. He believes in God and that is good enough for me. Of course his attitudes toward religion reflect mine much to his mothers chagrin.

The important thing here is that the United States government , by putting pastafarian on his dog tags at his request, has recognized 'The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster' as a real religious choice.

According to reports Pastafarianism is the world's fastest growing carbohydrate based religion. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools.

The 8 Commandments of Pastafarianism are really described as things that you should not do.(Note the use of the lower case 'i' except where the upper case is grammatical correct)

#1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou *** when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, i'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
#2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.

#3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or how they talk or well, just play nice. Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: Woman = Person, Man = Person, Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other unless you're talking about fashion and i'm sorry but i gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia. 
#4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, i believe the expression is, "Go f*ck yourself!", unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the T.V. off for once and go for a walk for a change.
#5. I really would rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bastards.

#6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi-million dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick): A. Putting an end to poverty. B. Curing diseases. C. Living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the price of cable. I might be a complex carbohydrate omniscient being, but i enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know, i AM the creator.

#7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people that i talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And i told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint? 
#8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, umm, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it (pursuant to #4) then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, WEAR A CONDOM! Honestly, It's a piece of latex. If i didn't want it to feel good i would have added spikes, or something.

There is a Gospel of The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. A satirical 'craetion myth' that is both educational and entertaining.

Parody is a strong expressor of relief emotions and realities. Saturday Night Live has proven that year after year. But in parody there is truth. Very little in the 8 Commandments above can be disputed as not being fairly sound advice.

This entire exercise stems from the frustration young people feel with the established religions and the beliefs they spread. Religious leaders should take a close look at what is being said here. In a way it is their way of reaching out to you and questioning.


Friday, December 20, 2013

Florida~~Fantasy Land Indeed

I love Florida!! From its amusement parks to its beaches there is always something going on. My last trip to Key West was epic. What I can remember of it as I was still drinking in those days, lol.

Every state has its quirks and strange goings on but Florida seems to lead the pack in 2013 strangeness. Maybe it's the diverse population or the climate but Florida seems to produce strange stories that are better than most.

Like this story about the invention of the virtual prostate exam.

It is a tool for doctors to practice giving prostate examinations. But this picture is just so wrong on so may levels, lol. I hope that they find a way I can send a robot in for my yearly exam. Prostate exams are high on my list of things that I find outside the realm of enjoyable.

 Church By The Sea in Madeira Beach or better known as the Chicken Church because of its resemblance to a chicken.


The Mother/daughter porn team that are now looking for a Father/Son porn team to join them. Florida is a family oriented state.


The 'Skunk Ape', Florida's version of Bigfoot. He is hard to see in this picture but I suspect he is hairy and wearing Mickey Mouse ears.


The dog that accidentally shot his owner with a .380 pistol when she knocked it off a table and it discharged. The dog seems happy. The owner not so much.

And finally something I bet you have never seen before.


The Violent Naked Pooping Masturbator
Yeppers you read that correctly. And I quote, "This is a contender for Florida story of the decade. As we all know, in Florida there are violent people, naked people, poopers, and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package. Gregory Bruni is allegedly that package. He reportedly started on the roof of a North Fort Myers home, then defecated and masturbated inside. He was naked. Then, he pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, rubbed some of the family's clothes on his face, and avoided gunfire before police arrived."
Only in the 'Most Magical State' can we find something like this.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I So Want To Keep My Mouth Shut~~But Y'all Know I Can't

Phil Robertson, the patriarch of the Robertson Duck Dynasty family, did an interview for GQ magazine in which he expressed his feelings about homosexuality. Feelings based on his personal and religious beliefs.

Mr Robertson expressed his view that homosexuality was immoral, likening it to bestiality. Some of the remarks were made using off-color language. Of course this set off the expected outrage from a wide spectrum of our society. He was suspended from the show for his remarks. Lets get this clear; the suspension was a business decision that is meant to appease those who find offense with Mr Robertson's remarks.

While I wholeheartedly disagree with what he said I believe that he has the right, under our constitution, to express his beliefs.

In this country we seem to pick and choose our fights as we feel they will benefit our own agendas. Homosexuals find, as I do,  these words offensive so they attack them.

Atheists find a cross memorial dedicated to our military offensive so they attack it.

Merry Christmas has become a dirty word so we replace it with Happy Holidays or Seasons Greetings.

Many Americans now use their right to free speech to stifle others right to free speech. This is an evil worse than Mr Robertson's words.

The A&E Networks are certainly in their right to suspend Mr Robertson. His words were despicable in my mind. But his right to say them is constitutionally rock solid.

The sad thing about the human condition is that we, as a species, will always find fault with some segment of our species. When race, sexual orientation, religion, gender and financial status are all put to rest by future generations we will still find someone in  our society that we feel a need to look down upon. It's the nature of the beast kiddies.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Dancing Through The English Language~A Fascinating Journey

Every year we add new words to the English language but at the same time many words are forgotten to disuse.

This morning I was telling friend that our elected officials are populated by people that demonstrate a tendency toward being labeled as 'snollygosters'. Of course he looked at me like I had two heads. A snollygoster is a shrewd, unprincipled person, especially a politician. A good word to describe the people playing games with our country up in our national Fantasy Land( Washington, DC).

The activities of those in Washington are 'grinnow'(a stain that will not come out in the wash) on the fabric of our society.

 Of course I am no expert and have been accused of dabbling in 'ultracrepidarianism'; giving opinions on subjects I know nothing about. But it is fun to pull the wool over peoples eyes.

I suggest that when reading any publication you become a 'chasmophile'(a lover of nooks and crannies) so you can study the writings inner meaning. Being a chasmophile also would make you a better lover but that's an entire blog within itself.

If I 'guttle'(to eat greedily) before bed I tend to suffer from 'uhtceare'(lying awake before dawn and worrying). Then my entire day is put off track.

In the end I think it best that I remain 'mumbudget'(keeping quiet) on subjects that I know little about.

Like this old blabbermouth could ever hold back on expressing an opinion on anything, lol


PS... If you have an interest in lost or little used English language words read 'Horologicon~A days Jaunt Through The Lost Words Of The English Language', by Mark Forsythe.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I Am A Product Of My Diet

I am a product of my diet! If that statement is true I should look like a cheeseburger wrapped in lots of bacon served with a side of fries in gravy, lol. I am in bacon remission since my hospitalization this year but I do still love the sight and smell of bacon cooking.

Today I saw this on the Internet and was more than intrigued and very tempted to jump on the bacon band wagon but a little bird kept singing in my ear; " Don't do it! Don't do it". It's funny how those little blond birds get in your head, lol.

Yeppers!! This is what I saw. A bacon weave taco shell. What is worse it comes in a Bacon Weave Choco Taco. This delightful delicacy is made by Dude Foods who are also responsible for deep fried peanut butter, the bacon weave breakfast burger, deep fried Oreo filling and breakfast pinwheels(a lovely mixture of bacon, eggs, cheese and onions on a crescent roll). Hungry yet kiddies?

My life's gastronomic style has changed a lot since my illness so I know that I can only look at these heart clogging morsels of goodness from a distance. But I did find a sandwich I tried for breakfast that I enjoyed and will not send me to the hospital, lol.


This is a take on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. On the left slice of toast we have jelly, honey and cream cheese. On the right is crunchy peanut butter, creamy peanut butter and Nutella(which is a gift from the Italian Gods~a chocolate hazelnut cream).

When you put the two halves together nine different flavor combinations are produced. It's like an orgasm between two slices of bread and just the thing to cheer one up on a down day.

It will never replace BACON but it's a damn good start.


PS...I was going to write about my opinion of AVI Choice awards today but I did not want it to sound like sour grapes as I lost. 90% of my readers come from outside of Second Life and have no idea what a virtual world is as they are dealing with the real world. Winning was an impossible task for me but others that I know deserved to win and they were also left off the list of winners. I do want to thank those that voted for me. I very much appreciate your vote.

What miffs me the most is that singers won in categories that they did not deserve to be nominated. For instance singers that sing original music almost exclusively losing out in the original music category to singers that rarely sing an original song.

My hat is off to those singers that toil each night in front of small crowds. They are the backbone of Second Life music.

My admiration to The Flash Dancers who provide audiences to singers all over the grid. I believe them to be the best group in Second Life.

Finally a voting tip for next year. Clear your cookies before you go to vote. As long as they are cleared you can vote a thousand times a day, lol.

That's a lot of writing for something I was not going to write about!!

Monday, December 16, 2013

Second Life~~My Own Isle Of Misfit Toys

It's Christmas in Second Life. The virtual world is decorated to the hilt with traditional Christmas accoutrement's. And since this is Second Life many not so traditional decorations abound.

At the Flash Dancers Christmas Party, this past Saturday morning, one could see snowmen screwing, snowmen drunk and bloodied surrounded by beer bottles and piles of jumping poop, with Santa hats on, working as backup dancers near the stage. God bless ye merry gentle poop!!

As the Christmas decorations start to seem over the top Second Lifers bring new meaning to 'Don we now our gay apparel'.

Here is Cee and I in traditional Second Life garb. The fornicating snowmen can be seen on the right of this picture. Yeppers dignity is dead, lol.
The Professor and Rain demonstrating the death of dignity.
And Luc driving the final nail into dignities coffin with his Santa hat placement.
The highlight of my morning is when The Professor was caught wearing a thong on his head that was described as a 'Wayward Eyepatch'.

This will bring an entire new meaning to 'Talk Like A Pirate Day', lol.
All this madness is in good fun and makes my real life years melt away. Starting any day out laughing makes the rest of the day roll along smoothly.
Merry Christmas Second Life and especially the Flash Dancers!!

Friday, December 13, 2013

It's Friday The 13th~~What Could Go Wrong?

I look out my window watching smoke rise from my neighbors yard. A lone figure, carrying something I can not quite make out, moves through the smoke toward me. I see children running frantically across the yard in what only can be described as hysterics. My computer says it's Friday the 13th. The children fall to the ground as this smoke shrouded figure approaches them. I hear their screams, of delight, as their father chases them around the piles of leaves they are playing in.

That's pretty much the extent of my Friday the 13th excitement. No Jason rampaging around the neighborhood. No naked woman being slaughtered in my shower. No teenager being stuffed into the outhouse hole after foolishly going out there in the dark. Pretty much life as usual for me.

But this day does bring thoughts of the fears we do have looming over us. We live in a dangerous world. There are people, both foreign and domestic, that want to destroy our way of life. I have less fear for those foreigners who creep around the fringes of our lives taking nips at it. My greater fear is for those who work from within, like a stomach cancer, trying to destroy our institutions.

"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people", John F. Kennedy.

President Kennedy had that right. Our elected officials, in fear of losing their jobs, use fear tactics to scare the people they are sworn to protect. I hear things like; Republicans want to destroy Medicare, kill off our senior citizens and starve our children or Democrats want to destroy the constitution and take away as much of our hard earned money as they can to redistribute to others who may vote for them. All fear tactics to get us to follow a particular philosophy.

These cretins, who we elected to wander the halls of Congress, the Senate and the White House are afraid that the truth will let us see them for what they really are; incompetent boobs wrapped in the coat of made of the power they crave.

President Obama was just awarded PolitiFact's 'Lie Of The Year' prize for his Healthcare Claims. Our president, all our elected officials, should be above such monikers. Of course that is a 'pollyana' point of view as we unfortunately elect humans to govern us.

Maybe we should send chimpanzees to Washington. They are better at jumping all over the furniture and throwing shit around.


Thursday, December 12, 2013

Trust is The Cornerstone Of Love

"Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish", Barbara Smith.

Trust takes a long time to build and a very short time to lose. Most of my life, and to my detriment, I have been a trusting person. It took a couple of betrayals and my life being trampled to lose my ability to trust others.

I am still in the slow process of rebuilding my trust in people. Over the past ten years I have met many trustworthy people but I was incapable of fully committing to a trusting relationship. Truthfully I have been terrified of being betrayed again and I know that my chances of recovering from any type of betrayal are slim at this point.

I have been lucky in meeting someone that I can place my trust. This may be because she has the same trust issues. Two people learning to trust each other while forging a relationship is a very large undertaking.

I take great joy in watching trust grow between us because from trust grows respect and love.

I once read a quote that said 'you can not always trust the one you love but you can always love the one you trust.' I believe this to be true. Trust must be the cornerstone of any relationship. Without it the relationship will wither and die.

I am slowly witnessing the birth and growth of trust between us. Most of what I am seeing is not expressed in words but rather in actions. Little things like she reaches for your hand when hand holding is not her thing or that little smile that is sent your way when she does not think you are looking.

Telling each other our life's secrets. Those that we really never want to tell anyone but feel compelled to tell this person. These are signs of growing trust.

It feels good to be able to trust someone again. It's even a better feeling to feel someone give me their trust. It's a slow process that is hard for her but with patience and letting her set the pace things will continue to grow.

The happy meter is finally showing measurements that favor me. See me smiling kiddies.


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Common Sense Kicked In The Balls Again

A six year old Colorado boy was suspended for 'sexual harrassment' after he kissed a girl on the hand during reading time in his classroom. Yes kiddies you read that correctly; a six year old.

It seems that this boy is a repeat offender as he kissed the same girl on the cheek once before. As common sense sat in the corner of the principles office clutching its aching balls this child's mother was summoned to a meeting where a sexual harassment suspension was handed down.

According to a story on KRDO News "The boy's mother considers the punishment to be excessive and states that "The girl was fine with it. They are boyfriend and girlfriend." Now my son is asking questions… what is sex mommy? That should not ever be said, sex. Not in a sentence with a six year old."

After a national outcry the crime was changed to misconduct.

Using this principals logic most Disney movies should be considered pornography as many contain kissing in a children's format.

Was the hand kissing inappropriate? Probably. Did it demand a suspension of a six year old? Probably not.

Do these school administrators need a lesson in how to ascertain a case of sexual harassment? Most definitely.

 We have become a society of people who have lost the ability to apply common sense to situations. Common sense is losing out to a one size fits all scheme applied to appease the Gods of political correctness.

Coming on the heels of yesterdays disarming of Rooster Monkburm, the sock monkey, this story further demonstrates why common sense needs to sit with legs crossed to protect its privates.

Wait!! Sitting with crossed legs use to be called 'indian sitting'. Political correctness would not allow that so I guess common sense just has to sit there and let its privates get mauled.


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Rooster Monkburn Busted By TSA For Gun Possession

Rooster Monkburn, a sock monkey owned by Phyllis May, was detained at an airport check in by TSA agents because they found his holstered gun to be to realistic.

According to a Huffington Post story "Mrs May and her husband were on their way from St. Louis to Sea-Tac last Wednesday and were carrying “Rooster Monkburn,” an eye patch-wearing spoof of "Rooster Cogburn," the character played by Jeff Bridges in the film "True Grit" in her carry-on bag."

The gun in question is in the holster shown in this picture
The TSA agent informed Mrs May that the police would have to be called as she was trying to sneak a weapon onto the airplane.
"May said she told the agent, "You’re kidding me, right?" but the agent insisted the tiny pistol looked like a real gun and had to be confiscated"
"Rooster Monkburn has been disarmed so I’m sure everyone on the plane was safe," she said, according to the Herald Sun. "I understand she was doing her job but at some point doesn’t common sense prevail?"
Common sense!! Now there is the lost commodity in this story. Look at Rooster's gun closely. Common sense dictates that this tiny plastic replica could not be taken for a real gun.
But kiddies rules are rules and Rooster Monkburn, even though he is a replica of a 'law enforcement officer' had to be rendered impotent.
Post 9/11 life is an interesting experience. We let prospective terrorists in on visas and disarm a stuffed monkey. Go figure.

Monday, December 9, 2013

It's Time For Your Office Seasonal Event

Yeppers kiddies your office Christmas party is now your office seasonal event. Political correctness has now downgraded your celebration of the birth of Christ down to a yearly happening without any religious significance at all.

God forbid, hmmm was it safe to invoke God there, we acknowledge that Christmas is a religious holiday and not on the same par as the coming of strawberry season or baseball season. Maybe if Jesus was born in a Yankees uniform he would get more respect.

Political correctness, which basically is a case of the many trying to please the few, is slowly destroying our basic values in a quest to please a few people who do not hold the majority opinion. And for full disclosure; I am not a Christian so this rant does not come from my religious beliefs.

I long for a Walton's Christmas where a pair of jeans was a gift that would make John Boy happy for a year. Now days that pair of jeans would cost Ma Walton $100 or the equivalent of a months groceries for her family. By the way; I want congratulate those who recognized the Walton reference as the pioneer family and not those of the Walmart empire, lol.

I strongly believe that two generations from now Christmas may become a myth of the past. Replaced by The End Of Year Shopping Event. Grandparents will tell tales of Christmas' past to looks of bewilderment and disbelief on the faces of their grand children.

Why does a belief in God or the desire to celebrate God scare people so much? Why does one person have to try and belittle one person's beliefs in order to bolster their own beliefs? Good questions for theologians and think tank gurus.

For me the questions are simpler I think. Well maybe not, lol. Like; what the fuck is wrong with a Christmas season? Why do we boycott a business on First Street for not using Christmas in their advertisements and then boycott one on Second Street for using Christmas in their advertisements. I picture confused children wandering from First to Second Street with their eyes bugging out and parents who can not explain this behavior.

Seasonal events are the coming of the flowers in spring and the leaves turning colors in the fall. Seasonal events are the opening day of baseball season and football season. Seasonal events are the annual picking of fresh strawberries and blueberries.

You might even say that a seasonal event is when I get laid, lol.

But Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Thanksgiving, New Years, Fourth of July and many other days are religious and national HOLIDAYS. Not Events!!!

Celebrate YOUR holidays with pride and kick political correctness to the curb where the street washer can sweep it up and trash it with all the other garbage.

Here is a less than politically correct joke to get you started.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are sent to a holding area on the road to heaven. An angel comes and tells them that they have to run through this intricate line of hooks and knives to be able to continue on their journey.

The Frenchman runs through first and his arm is cut off.

The Chinese man runs through next and his leg is cut off.

The American hesitantly runs through and comes out the other side looking to be in one piece. He starts to celebrate when he notices the Chinese man rolling around on the floor laughing and yelling;
Lookey Lookey Balls On Hookey!!!

Politically correct that bitch, lol.


Friday, December 6, 2013

Passenger Side Airbag Off

Where Do I Go
by Lisa Griffin
Where do I go?
When I'm feeling so lost and I don't want to be found.
When I'm looking and listening for that peace in my heart.
But I know I'll never hear that sound.
Where do I go?
Where do I go when I'm trying to laugh but all I can do I cry?
I'm trying to keep on living because I'm not ready to die.
Where do I go because the sun never seems to shine?
Can you give me my life back it's not yours it's mine?
How do I keep going, how do I fight this fight?
I'm tired of feeling beat down, but I'm trying with all my might!
Where do I go when my head hangs so low?
Please give me an answer because I just don't know!
Where do I go?
Does it take very long?
For me to find that peace and a place where I belong.
I need you to help me, help me to take a stand.
I'm scared to do it by myself, will you please take my hand?
Where do I go? Where do I go? Where do I go?
Do you know?

The other day I wrote about things that could shorten your lives but when I examined those issues one thing glares out at me, loneliness. We are not meant to live solitary lives. Interaction with others is a key to our well being.

I am am admitted loner. I believe that trait has affected the entire course of my life. The idea that I do not need anyone or I do not want to depend on anyone is a false premise that I have finally stopped. All it really took was a good woman who stands up beside me and does not take my shit. It's a shame it took me so long to find her but I guess all good things are worth the wait.

I appreciate her effort to eradicate my loneliness but there are signs all around me that remind me of less happy times. One of those is the 'passenger side airbag on/off light'. When no one is sitting in the passenger seat the airbag is inoperable.

My car is new so CeeCee is the only person to have sat in that seat. Every time I start the car I am reminded of the wonderful weekend we spent together. It is also a constant reminder of how much I miss holding her hand, hearing her laugh at my stupid jokes and even her frightening scowl.  I am sure everyone has little things that remind them of someone dear to them. Like a whiff of someone wearing the same perfume or someone with a similar laugh(or in CeeCee's case a similar snort, lol),

While this silly light reminds me of when I was lonely it also acts as a reminder that I am no longer lonely. It's a nice and secure feeling.

It's funny how one person can make positive changes in your life. Since CeeCee came into my life I have had not only an upgrade in my mental state but also have seen improvements in my health.

I also know that we can not depend on anyone person for our happiness. We are responsible for who we are and how we conduct ourselves. To that end, this morning, I volunteered to work at the local Interfaith Thrift Shop two mornings a week. I will be doing something worthwhile and at the same time interacting with other people on a regular basis.

It's time to pay forward my good fortune and try and make a difference for someone else. Kiddies kick the monkey of loneliness off your back and get out into the world. Make a life for yourself. Take it from me; the rewards will be bountiful and your satisfaction immense.


Thursday, December 5, 2013

New Program Replaces Stop and Frisk

The Onion is reporting that New York's controversial program, Stop and Frisk, has been replaced by a new program named Stop and Kiss. Unfortunately some of the same criticisms have been laid at the feet of the new program.

Critics claim racial bias and unnecessary stops plague this program.

Proponents of Stop and Kiss claim that the reason more Blacks and Latinos are kissed is because the program concentrates on the high crime neighborhoods in which they live. Those against this program state that they have not seen any middle class white women stopped and kissed thereby proving racial bias. Personally I see a deeper meaning in who is being stopped.

I believe that those police tasked with administering this program are 'racially and nationality curious' about who they are stopping. White police officers seem 'racially curious' about kissing a black suspect. I blame this phenomenon on the Kardashians.

But even more disturbing is those police officers who are 'latino curious' about the rumors of the love making ability of Latin men. Stop and Kiss is a perfect vehicle for these lip hungry officers to explore their desires under the guise of 'police work'.

I fear that Stop and Kiss will eventually evolve into a Stop and Fondle program where the fondling is excused as a method of looking for illegal weapons or in some cases phone numbers.

As one of the last full blooded Italians, well half Italian and half Sicilian, I feel it is imperative that I stay out of New York City until this program is found unconstitutional and I would be free to roam the streets safely.

Of course if I am guaranteed a female officer as my Stop and Kiss officiate I would certainly and respectably submit to Stop and Fondle.


PS....Today's blog is based on a story from The Onion News.
PSS... I have been nominated for Best Blog by the AVI Choice Awards. Here is the web address. http://avichoiceawards.com/vote-for-your-favorite/entertainment-categories/ Stop by and vote. I am up against all those fashion blogs that have more followers than God, lol

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Busting The Myth Of The Lazy Civil Servant

Hundreds of jokes have been made at the expense of civil servants over the years. We hear about everything from their laziness to how they are stealing out tax dollars while making believe that they are working. These are myths perpetuated by comedians and disgruntled citizens who have run afoul of the laws that civil servants are tasked to uphold.

Civil servants come in all forms; police, firemen, food inspectors and many other professions. They work in government from the local level on up through the federal level and compromise a workforce that keeps our country moving.

The world is full of strange people and strange things that can and will do harm to our population. Civil servants at places like the Food and Drug Administration, Homeland Security and the Federal Bureau of Investigation endeavour to keep us safe. Others work tirelessly to administer the laws that our elected officials have enacted.

Yes even the Internal Revenue Service has dedicated employees that serve this country.

My friends will say "Randy you are prejudice because you are dating a civil servant". Yes it's true; I may well be prejudiced but I have seen the many hours of dedication to the job she exhibits. I see the 10 - 12 hour days she struggles through. I am proud of her effort.

Of course not all civil servants are like her; as not all workers in the private sector are dedicated to their jobs. I can tell you that I was not a dedicated McDonald's employee even though I did a good job.

I watched as many people celebrated the government shutdown but do you realize that all the worked missed over those 16 days had to be made up. These men and women are playing catch up every day and will do so for some time.

Kiddies hate the laws, whether it be the Affordable Care Act or Gun Control, but do not hate those tasked to administer them. Show some respect for the effort these dedicated people give in service to us.

Show them the respect we show our military; who by the way are also civil servants.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Warnings About Shortening Our Lives

There is always a constant flow of stories about how our habits are shortening our lives. Like my early years of boozing, drugs, late night and all night partying and a constant flow of strange women did not do enough damage, lol. Now it seems my slower lifestyle is stealing years from me. I just can not catch a break.

                                            Now that's personal, lol.

According to the Huffington Post; there are eleven things that we do that may shorten our lives. Lets examine them because as we know that the Huffington Post is a totally accurate, scientifically based organization so we have to take their word for this stuff. Oh Yeah!! I have a nice piece of farm land available in the middle of the Everglades. Call me!!

These will shorten your life.

1. Your having a hard time finding love. Shit we are all dead. Love is that elusive greased pig at the carnival; always in sight but hard to grasp onto. These days many people think that a quickie in the bathroom at IHOP is love. Damn we are all doomed.

2. Your sitting down more than a few hours a day. Since most of us have jobs that require long hours of sitting this will kill us for sure.

3. You are neglecting your friends. Studies show that prolonged loneliness is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. HMMM!! I'm a dead man for sure.

4. Your vegging out in front of the TV. Finally one I do not do, lol. But of course I am vegging out in front of the computer so am I any better off? Damn Second Life, lol.

5. Your eating to much unhealthy food. Hopefully this is a reversible effect as I have improved my diet over the past few years. But all those years of being a fast food junkie did take their toll.

6. Your still looking for a job. NOT ME!! I made my own job of writing and I am also helping keep others working in the paper industry with my constants flow of rejection letters. Gold star for me. My inability to sell what I write is saving lives.

7. Your dealing with a long commute. Lets see; its about 50 feet from the bedroom to my computer; about 10 feet from computer to kitchen and 30 to a bathroom. Nope the commute is good.

8. Your having a dry spell. Here we go. To much sex might kill me because of my heart condition and to little sex will shorten my life. People in long dry spells can have mortality rates 50% higher than those who have regular orgasms. I say; masturbate, masturbate masturbate. Your life depends on it.

9. Your putting up with annoying coworkers. Well my cat is a pain in my ass but he is the only coworker I have and his purring does have a calming effect.

10. Your not sleeping enough. Damn Second Life, lol.

11. You fear death or that you will not live as long as you like. So basically the Huffington Post, by writing this article, has shortened your life as you would never have worried about this stuff had they never reported on it.

Kiddies just live your life the best you can. Just like sex; its not the length but the way you stir the pot. Great people have lived short lives. Some really boring ones have lived for freaking ever.


Monday, December 2, 2013

The Dance Of The Squirrels'

After a hurricane, back in the late 90's, I found baby squirrels scattered around the yard with parents no where in sight. Knowing that they were easy prey for dogs and cats I gathered them up and put them in a tree. I time their parents returned to take them to safety.

God has repaid my kindness with something I call 'the dance of the squirrels'. Every morning squirrels play a game of tag, running from tree branch to tree branch, in a mesmerizing show. It's quite possible that this has been going on all my life and I nerve noticed until after that hurricane but this dance has been held each morning no matter where I have lived. I prefer to call it God's gift to me.

My morning meditations are always spent facing this show. The squirrels are like little furry scrubbers; clearing my thoughts until I am left with only my mantra which pulls me deeper into a state of total relaxation.

Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand – relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” Osho

This quote embodies my philosophy towards God. I do not look for Him in churches. Nor do I ask gifts of Him. I have already been given all the gifts I need through my birth and entrance into my life. That is our gift from God; the opportunity to live a life on your chosen path. The opportunity to choose how we live that life is our greatest gift.

In my mind the dance of the squirrels, which follows me where ever I go, is proof that my path, although rocky at times, is a good one.

My mind is cleansed. My thoughts are clear. My affirmations, dedications and commitments are firm. I will move forward clearing rocks as I go.