Wednesday, January 15, 2014

72 Virgins~~Hell I Might Blow Something Up

The promise of meeting up with 72 virgins in heaven after one martyrs oneself is an intriguing idea. But I have my doubts that God could keep up with producing virgins at the pace people are martyring themselves. There has been approximately 5000 suicide bombings, a very conservative estimate I think, so 5000 x 72 virgins per bomber = 360,000 virgins. I do not think there are that many virgins in the entire United States over the age of 18. Now with women getting into the bombing act male virgins will be needed. Good luck with that, lol.

I really need to rethink my idea of martyrdom.


According to 'Cecil's Storehouse of Human Knowledge'; "Even if we leave out the racy detail and make allowances for metaphor, we're obliged to admit that Islamic heaven is a pretty rockin' place, with an emphasis on sensual pleasures. The provision of virgins in indeterminate quantities is alluded to at numerous points, and you know they're not just there to fluff the pillows. (In fairness to the Prophet, the physical quality usually attributed to the houris, as they're called, is "wide lovely eyes.") The food, service, ambiance, etc, are great. You're allowed to enjoy things the Koran explicitly denies you on earth, such as alcohol, and you won't even get sick. ("Wine … delicious to those who drink it … will neither dull their senses nor they will become drunk.") Granted, the whole thing is skewed toward the male idea of a good time, a defect by no means confined to Islam. Were Muhammad to found a religion today, I'm confident that each female arrival in heaven would be assigned a comely stud who would provide fabulous sex and in addition hang the curtain rods the first time he was asked. Granted, also, the emphasis on virgins is a little weird. (Think back on the first nights you've been party to. Was this your idea of great sex?) Still, you have to admit, heaven as Party Central sure beats the Christian idea of angels with harps."

Yes Heaven as Party Central is a good idea. Especially if I arrived as a good looking young stud who laughs at the thought of using that little blue pill. Can you imagine eating, no gorging yourself, on a fantastic meal with alcohol and still being able to perform like a stallion in bed. The thought sends shivers through every inch of me. Not that there are many inches to go through, lol.

I picture this when I arrive in heaven looking for my 72 virgins;

Yeppers grade school all over again, lol.
It seems pretty far fetched that God would provide virgins in heaven when on Earth we are in a constant search for that elusive virgin. Maybe Duck Dynasty should change its main prey to virgins and change the name of the show to Virgin Dynasty.
I am sure that some eager student of the Koran will ask his Imam to put a fatwa out on me after this showing of disrespect. I ask only one thing. Please put a 'thinwa' out on me so I feel better about my body image. Now that would make me happy!!

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