Monday, December 23, 2013

The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster

My son took off his dog tags one day and I noted the religion he had listed on them; Pastafarian. My son has very loose ideas on how God should be worshiped and this is an example of that attitude. He believes in God and that is good enough for me. Of course his attitudes toward religion reflect mine much to his mothers chagrin.

The important thing here is that the United States government , by putting pastafarian on his dog tags at his request, has recognized 'The Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster' as a real religious choice.

According to reports Pastafarianism is the world's fastest growing carbohydrate based religion. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools.

The 8 Commandments of Pastafarianism are really described as things that you should not do.(Note the use of the lower case 'i' except where the upper case is grammatical correct)

#1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou *** when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, i'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.
#2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.

#3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or how they talk or well, just play nice. Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: Woman = Person, Man = Person, Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other unless you're talking about fashion and i'm sorry but i gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia. 
#4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, i believe the expression is, "Go f*ck yourself!", unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the T.V. off for once and go for a walk for a change.
#5. I really would rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bastards.

#6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi-million dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick): A. Putting an end to poverty. B. Curing diseases. C. Living in peace, loving with passion and lowering the price of cable. I might be a complex carbohydrate omniscient being, but i enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know, i AM the creator.

#7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people that i talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And i told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint? 
#8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, umm, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it (pursuant to #4) then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, WEAR A CONDOM! Honestly, It's a piece of latex. If i didn't want it to feel good i would have added spikes, or something.

There is a Gospel of The Church of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. A satirical 'craetion myth' that is both educational and entertaining.

Parody is a strong expressor of relief emotions and realities. Saturday Night Live has proven that year after year. But in parody there is truth. Very little in the 8 Commandments above can be disputed as not being fairly sound advice.

This entire exercise stems from the frustration young people feel with the established religions and the beliefs they spread. Religious leaders should take a close look at what is being said here. In a way it is their way of reaching out to you and questioning.


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