Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Putting On The Drapes

"Doth Mother Know You Wear-eth Her Drapes?" - Tony Stark (Iron Man)

Your alarm goes off and you beat it into quiet submission. Staggering from your bed you look for your robe but it's no where to be seen. Someone is hammering on your front door and each strike of their hand sounds and feels like bombs going off in your brain. You grab the first thing you see to cover yourself on the way to see who is desecrating your front door.

The poor Girl Scout, her cookies in hand, sees this when you open the door. The poor child is emotionally scarred for life. While the police are hauling you off to jail charged with indecent exposure you can not get it clear in your mind how this all happened.

Thinking back to last night, through the fog of your hangover, you remember having to many drinks while trying to impress some girl whose name you can not remember. Flashes of dancing like some demented fool; mostly alone because no woman would come near you. Early in the morning you make your usually Friday night diner stop for greasy eggs and bacon. Now your stomach feels like you ate a rock and it is sitting in your colon mocking you.

Sitting in the holding cell, awaiting arraignment, you think, "I had such a great time last night. I am in jail only because I bought low quality drapes". The mind of a man trying to rationalize his bad choices is an amazing machine.

If there is a moral to this story our intrepid hero would say, "A man needs heavy high quality drapes to avoid this situation".

The judge says, " 3 months in jail, 2 years probation and pay for the Girl Scouts therapy bills".

By the way, there are no drapes on cell windows.


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