But then I see happy marriages and she is watching. I see children born and he is hovering about. I see rivers and streams and it is nearby. I see mountains and plains, deserts and swamps, animals grazing and fish swimming and it tells me to smile.
I wander in the streets and I see happy and sad people, good and bad people, men and women, workers and non workers, hunters and fishermen, farmers and sheep herders and so many more and she is watching everything.
I am confused. This entity goes by many names in so many different places.
I am bewildered. She is loved by some and ignored by others.
I am baffled. He is reached out for by many but rejected at the same time.
I am confounded. It is held in high regard yet so despised.
I am perplexed. She loves me but some say she does not listen.
I am disconcerted. I understand him but I don't understand him.
I am mystified. It needs to be in my life but I am just not sure of it.
She seems like magic. He is shrouded in mystery. It is legend. She fills my thoughts. He shreds my inner being. It makes me think. I do not want to think about it.
I am confused to the point that sometimes, when it is lurking about; I do not want it with me. She has followed me since birth. But I did not know about him until I was older. It wants me to know about things; but I don't want that knowledge.
I am confused and yet I am curious. She makes me curious. He makes me think. It wants me to understand.
I do not want to understand but I think I have too. She draws me in and compels me to dream. He pulls me to my good side; but my other side is so much more fun. It tells me I am good but I feel evil.
If it had just one name; rather than so many. Then maybe I could understand. Maybe I would not be confused.
I see her as a woman. You see him as a man. They just see it for what it is.
One group has 99 names for him. Another has 72 names for her. And yet another has thousands of names for it.
They are called the Timeless Being, First Person, Cosmic Controller, Shiva, Gurmantar, Yahweh, Elohim, The Light, Allah, Wele, Lesa, Joul, Jehovah, El Cantare and hundreds of others.
I am so confused and yet I believe. How can that be.
It's a feeling I have. One I grew up with. Told that I needed to believe and yet grew to question. But questioning is good. Questioning leads to answers. And answers lead to understanding. And understanding leads to over coming confusion.
So I ask questions. I envision what I need to answer my questions. I study. I read. I watch.
My questions are answered in the birth of a child. In a field of sun flowers that turn there heads to watch the sun pass over. In an ant hill with so many working for one goal; survival. In the trees, plants and animals that are wandering about. And in the human beings that interact with me. Some for good. Others for reasons I can not explain.
But with every question that is answered; something within grows. Seems that all those entities with all those different names ask only one thing of us.
Please ask the questions!!!