Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Adventures In Doctor Land

Sock and I headed to see my cardiologist today. Sock seemed nervous because it was his first visit to a human doctor so he waited in the car while I went into the office. Sock Monkeys can be very high strung.

After going through the usual rigamorole, that's a nice word for bullshit, of having my vitals taken I settled down for my anticipated wait in a room that I am sure was once used by a mad scientist prior to rolling out his latest version of The Monster.

The doctor enters the room staring at his electronic chart and says, "Everything look great. You have lost weight and your vitals are better than ever". Mind you he has not even looked up to see if I were actually in the room and he has not put a hand on me to examine my fine old specimen of a body.

My thoughts, which I kept to myself were, "Well of course I lost weight! I just had a 6 day bout with gout and have not eaten 'jack shittowski's' worth of food and have spent the last 6 days in the bathroom sick from the gout cure". By the way, for those of you who have never ventured into Carteret, New Jersey my home town; a jack shittowski's worth of food is like nothing at all, lol.

Sock has been wanting me to change doctors for a long time now. He suggested this guy:

He looks a little shady to me, lol.

So all in all I guess I am doing OK. No more talk of catheterization or pacemakers. I have a heart ultrasound scheduled to see if the left side of my heart has recovered its strength loss after my blood clot last year. They believe it has recovered. I also have the dreaded cholesterol test coming up, lol. No medication changes other than I do not have to go back to taking blood thinners, YAY! My gout is about cleared up and I see food on my future.

I am free to go back into training for the Zombie Apocalypse. If heart disease did not get me I will be damned if I let one of those stinking walkers enjoy chowing down on this fine specimen of Italian American Manhood.


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