Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Sperm!! The Bacon!! The Sperm!!

On the heels of my worries about the government shutdown comes this disturbing article by Sara gates 'Bacon Harms Male Fertility? Link Found Between Processed Meat, Semen Quality". Damn scientists want to ruin my life.

Bacon is an essential food in the male diet. Without bacon we would be forced to eat and even like more veggies. We need to put a stop to these scientists that want to change the male lifestyle and turn us into robots obedient to women's needs.

When women are talking to us we use the thought of eating succulent bacon to mask the fact that we are not actually listening to them. Can you imagine a world where men are deprived of bacon? We would be expected to care what color the curtains are or whether we have a love seat in our living rooms.

It would be the end of independent male thought as we know it. The 'man cave' would become a place with lace and light colors forcing us to change our NFL sports package to, I can barely write this, hours of women's gymnastics.

There must be something to debunk this study in the Bible, the Koran, Good Housekeeping or the Betty Crocker Cook Book.

I am calling on all men to start hording bacon. Clear the grocery store shelves of this precious commodity. The hell with saving gold for retirement; save bacon it may become the worlds most valuable commodity. Protect all pigs!!! Give them names like pets. Women will never allow them to be taken away if they have names.

And at least once in your lives men try eating this;


Its pork wrapped in bacon and served without veggies. Now this will improve your sperm quality!!!

Damn Scientists!!


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