I know that I should be writing about the Democratic National Convention but as a writer of fiction I find it difficult to compete with the fiction being created in Charlotte North Carolina this week. Besides hundreds of other bloggers are hammering away on both sides of that subject and trying to either separate fact from fiction or protect the 'greatest fiction story ever told' about Obama's record.
Another story, of much greater importance than the DNC's circus act, has been developing since yesterday and it has grabbed my attention like a pair of DD's flopping around bra less in the morning breeze.
Why Do Men Have Nipples?
Of course there is a simple explanation, which I will explain, and then there is a more complicated theory that I have developed through exhausted research and study.
Scientists will tell you that embryonic development of nipples occurs at about five and a half weeks while sex designation occurs at six weeks. That half week lead time puts nipples on men that are useless for breast feeding but, as many woman will attest to, fun to play with and stimulate.
So much for science, lol. Now to the real story.
It seems many thousands of years ago, in a land I call Liberalcosmopolis, children were born into a society that only bottle fed as the anatomy of the people of this land was nipple less. Through a period of many years this society raised children to become responsible and productive adults with little thought as to early feeding techniques.
This was a society of free thinkers who believed that the governing body had the responsibility to raise all children born, provide all the needs of society and allowed no man to rise above another. This society seemed to thrive under its programs until some religious groups, with the help of rogue scientists, began to question the less than intimate way babies were being nourished.
These groups, including the all powerful Church of The Le Leche and The Church of the International Worshipers of Lactation, believed that babies should be fed from the parents themselves and not an impersonal cold glass or plastic bottle.
The rogue scientists who joined this movement, with consultation from the church leaders, decided that a method should be developed to allow babies to feed like 'beasts of the fields' through a nipple system similar to those beasts.
The problem was that to accomplish this a course of genetic engineering had to be instituted and the important question to be answered was whether the mother, father or both would be the feeding parent. It was decided that experimentation would be done on both males and females to assess which was more capable of this feeding task.
Over a period of 25 years nipple development was introduced into the population but because of some anatomical differences between men and women, only the women were able to lactate and therefore provide nourishment. This left men with useless nipples and left women to their imagination as to what to do with them.
Soon, as societies started to intermingle and travel became more common place, nipple development was seen in far off lands and eventually became the rule rather than the exception.
This is my story and I am sticking to it, lol.
By the way, Man Boobs are a side effect, of the original genetic engineering, still seen today.