Thursday, July 19, 2012

Please Make Her A Bra!

We celebrate a handful! We are exuberant about a mouthful! We stare at them, fantasize about them, desire to touch them and lose control at the site of them.

They are one of the first things that we are given as a new born to provide us sustenance and we touch them before we are capable of touching ourselves.

Yet nothing has prepared us for 102ZZZ and 89 pounds total weight.

We have all been treated to surgically enhanced breasts blessing the bodies of women all over the world but these humongous globes of temptation delight are ALL NATURAL.

That's right kiddies! No implants! Just Gods gift or nightmare according to how you look at it. Because this breast blessed woman is in search of someone, anyone, to make her a bra that will support her.

Many have tried and known have succeeded.

Annie Hawkins-Turner, a 53-year-old from Atlanta, Georgia who has a bra size of 102ZZZ, told TLC's Strange Sex that she is a 'celebrity in other countries' due to her Guinness World Record-breaking breasts.

She further stated that she has never had a bra that could support her and that within 30 minutes of putting one on her 'girls were in her lap'. Oh what a happy lap that must be, lol.

Recently The University of Innsbruck said that archaeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. That means that women have been wearing bras some 600 years.

Where our inventors? We put men into space and have landed them on the moon. We have robots that are exploring Mars. Do not tell me we can not invent a bra that will support this poor woman in a way that will enhance our, oh wait I mean her, life, lol.

Someone get these puppies upright and pointing ahead of her like God intended.

I want to see structural engineers, space age materials specialists and women's fashion designers forming groups to study this problem.

We must preserve these natural resources and display them for all the world to ogle and fantasize over.

I willingly will throw my hat, hands and anything else needed to assist this research. I have already started strengthening my upper body to assist in lifting the girls to new heights.

Surely there are tax breaks available to assist us in this paying for research. Surely there are people willing and able to help find a way to elevate these amazing globes to the heavens.

In a land where excess seems to be a virtue these wonders of the world should standout as shinning examples of  'If a little is good a lot is a whole freaking much better'.


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