Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Comedic Home Invasion

In the wee hours of July 15, 2012 a stand up comedian, of reputable note, sneaked into the home of Mr and Mrs Thomas T. Wainwright and terrorized them for several hours. The police, acting on a tip from a relative of said comedian, entered the house and discovered the couple bounded and gagged in their bed.

This comedian, who looked much like Michelle Bachmann, forced this suburban couple to listen to her ramblings about random thought that she demanded then to help her solve.

Mrs Wainwright is quoted as saying, "She was demanding answers that we just did not have, It was maddening!"

Soon after binding and gagging the couple she started asking questions such as 'If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? and Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

The Bachmann look alike rambled about God and homosexuals, Obama and alien procession and then China's anal obsession with Europe. "It was more than I could handle", stated Mr Wainwright.

More questions followed, 'Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?, If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? and Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?'

After several hours Mrs Wainwright found herself in sympathy with the woman and actually thinking about answers to 'Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? and If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?'

Mr Wainwright begged his wife to get control of her senses but the constant barrage of questions and random thoughts held her captive even more than her physical restraints.

Mr Wainwright started to succumb to this constant assault on his thought processes.

  • Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

  • If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

  • Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

  • How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

  • On and on this went until the swat team finally burst in and put an end to the situation. The Wainwrights have been admitted to a hospital for observation. Coincidentally it is the same hospital that they are observing this Bachmann look alike.

    I have only one question that I would like answered, "Why do we listen to and write about anything Michelle Bachmann says?" She is obviously delusional and in need of  OBSERVATION  at a reputable hospital.


    PS...Yes I made all the up, silly people, for my own amusement.

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