I ran across an article about Chely Wright titled 'Confessions of a Gay Christian Country Singer'. I must tell you that I do not usually cry about people's struggles with being gay but Chely's story touched me deeply. Maybe it is the emotions and memories that came crashing back about my own struggle with being gay at an early age. I understand her struggle with trying to balance the religious education she was given with the Life That God Gave her To Live.
Chely was a brave soul to stand up to her religious beliefs and try and reconcile that with her life. Her struggle makes me feel small as while she stood by religious upbringing I ran from mine spending many years in search of a place I felt welcome and safe. I took the easy road. Chely took the hard road.
But her struggles took their toll. 'I was alone, I was tired, I was hopeless and I was done. Early one cold winter morning in Nashville, I nearly took my life with a gun. Let me be clear, my decision to take my life was not because I am gay. I had long understood, since my late teenage years, that God had made me exactly as I was supposed to be. And may I add what a huge comfort that has always been to me. The reason I was ready to end it all was because I didn't know how to be me in this life that I'd carved out -- this gay, Christian, farm girl from Kansas who sang Country Music. I just didn't know how to make those pieces fit.'
'I didn't pull the trigger.'
'When I finally got out of bed, days after holding a gun in my mouth, I didn't make it much farther than the carpeted floor by my bed. I'd been saying prayers to God since the day it all began, but on this day my approach to prayer was different. I actually knelt by my bed, put my elbows up on the edge of the mattress, clasped my hands together, and rested my forehead on my hands. I prayed a different kind of prayer. I began to speak to God out loud. As I forced the words to come out of my mouth, I realized that my voice was scratchy and weak. I knew God would hear me even if I didn't speak the words, but I wanted God to know that I was committed to my plea. I didn't ask Him to stop the crying or the pain for good. I simply asked for a moment's peace. "Peace" I'd heard that word used my entire life in so many contexts -- war and peace, a peaceful meadow, peace be with you -- but I never really knew what it meant until that moment." (From Chely Wright's "Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer")'
The thoughts that came crashing back at me when I read these passages were like a look back at my life. Many times, when I was young and struggling with Who I Was, the thought of leaving this world was high on my list. Thank God I found an understanding person to guide me. Maybe that was Gods way of speaking to me.
I encourage all of you to read this article and listen to Chely's music. LGBT or straight there is a lesson to be learned here.
The full article can be found at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chely-wright/gay-christian-country-singer_b_880736.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmaing8%7Cdl3%7Csec1_lnk2%7C73056
You can listen to Chely's music at her website: http://chely.com/music