Friday, February 18, 2011

Love~~Hate It! Love It! Gotta Have It!

My Life has always been a roller coaster of emotions. For a long time it seemed like something new happened to me everyday; straining my emotional fabric to its terminal point. It was worse when I was young. Coming to the realization that I was gay and coming out a age 16 might have been the pinnacle of emotional turmoil for me. But it certainly was not the end of my emotional roller coaster. For a very long time I hated the thought of falling in love or being in a relationship. That all seemed so scary to me.

So I decided that I hated love and just would not participate. Yeah,,That worked out, lol.  This quote sums up my 'pre finding love' feelings very well.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

~~Neil Gaiman

I wish I had written that. It is exactly how I have felt most of my life. Actually, it is that feeling that had control of me when I first arrived in Second life. Nearly four years, in Second Life,  and a lot of learning changed my approach to love and in many ways.  And certainly for the better.

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”

I use a lot of quotes by the infamous philosopher UNKNOWN; and I hate that because I like learning about the person behind the words. The above quote rings very true. You do not chose love; it chooses you. Some of my favorite stories are about people who have been friends for a long time; both looking for love and not seeing it right in front of them.  Then one day it's like a light came down and hit them across the head. They see their long time friend in that light and BAM,,Love. Those stories always make me smile.

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”


I have this quote floating around my computer screen as a screen saver. Every day it reminds me of the loves I have had, have in my life; and how grateful I am for every one of them. Even the ones that ended in pain. Because each journey into love, no matter what the outcome, is a learning experience. A building block that helps you construct the stairs that will lead to that light and the someone that will be yours for ever.

So don't be in a hurry to find love or that perfect someone. The universe has its plan and when the time is right that light will shine.


PS...Kind of mushy stuff today,,,Yeah!!  Grandma is in from Red Creek. Women HUH! LOL!

1 comment:

  1. Aw, you have such soft edges when you're hormonal! :)