Thursday, November 21, 2013

Emotional Pain

“Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now”, Nina Guilbeau, To many Sisters

How do you stop the tears of someone you hurt when the mere fact that you are happy causes them more pain? It is a question with no easy answer. Having empathy toward another person, because you understand their pain as you have experienced it yourself, is no help to to them. There is nothing that the causer of the pain can do to take that pain go away.

After a relationship a grieving process will occur, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are stages or this process. I understand these stages as I have been through them many times. But some circumstances causing breakups are harder to handle than others.

When a relationship is full of love yet ends for other reasons it is difficult to accept. Any relationship needs more than love. A couples goals and aspirations need to coincide. Only a cooperative nature in the relationship will move it forward.

If one partners goals are unachievable, within the relationship, the relationship will suffer. Of course this does not lessen the pain and hurt the other partner feels when the split occurs.

I believe that few people set out to hurt anyone intentionally but intentionally or not the pain is intense and life consuming. 

  Denying that this could possibly be happening to you followed by anger so strong that you actually hate and love someone at the same time is confusing. The anger makes your healing process difficult and you begin to hatch plans to get back the person you love. When you finally see that this will not happen you slip into a depression that consumes you. Only through finally accepting the loss can you move on and rebuild your life.

The worse feeling that I have ever experienced, and I am sure others have experienced this, is that feeling of loving and hating someone at the same time. It's confusing and destructive.


Anger, even well placed anger, is the greatest stumbling  block to the healing process. The longer you hold onto it the longer you will suffer. I am not saying that you have to sing peace songs with the object of your anger but a person needs to let it go.

Moving on with someone else becomes an issue of trust at a time when trust has been crushed. Trusting another person, after a breakup, can either go one of two ways; you trust to much and to soon and open yourself up to another hurt or you hold back distrusting everyone.

It takes a long time to gain some one's trust. It's a slow process that takes great patience on the part of your new prospective partner. That person must be patient, loving and understanding. They should only make promises that they believe they can keep. Sometimes it feels like you are walking on eggshells but the rewards for you patience and love are great.

Life is not meant to be lived alone. Only bonding with another person will complete your healing process.

Find a way to let the pain and hurt go and look for some happiness.


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