I was watching a film recently about Jim Valvano and the 1983 North Carolina State basketball team that won the national championship. A statement made by Coach Valvano struck me as particularly relevant to my life. He said, " You have had a good day if you have done three things; Laugh, Cry and Think"
I have thought of myself as having a long string of very bad days. My illness stripping me of my life. Every thing seemed harder. Even a 50 yard walk to my mailbox is exhausting at times. Most of all I have been spending my days feeling sorry for myself when, in reality, I have it pretty good.
I spend a lot of time alone but using Coach Valvano's formula for a good day I have it better than most.
My days are spent in thought. My mind wanders from subject to subject with abandon and I seem to have redeveloped my thirst for knowledge that I lost for awhile. I am reading at the minimum a book a week and covering any and all topics that interest me.
Laughing comes easy. Even though some may find it strange that I laugh out loud while alone. Things I read, television shows and movies all bring me the pleasure of laughter.
Crying also comes easy. I am an emotional wreck at times and cry at the drop of a hat. This past week I have been overly emotional about an up coming visit I have with a Cardiac Surgeon about possible catheterization they had discussed with me while I was in the hospital. Everyone, including those that have been through this procedure, tell me its safe and a piece of cake but that has not stopped my fears. Truthfully, I am terrified.
All in all I am having good days; running the gamut of emotions freely each day. I will get through my doctor visit this week unscathed I am sure.
It's just that sometimes I feel like I am walking in a dark cave and my light has burned out. I think most people feel that way at times. It's normal.
Damn I am normal!! Who knew?