Yesterday People magazine came out with its 'Sexiest Man Alive' addition and to every ones surprise, and I do mean everyone damn it, I was not chosen. This really pisses me off as it is the 101st time in a row that I have been snubbed for this reward.
To prove that I am worthy of this reward I present a side by side comparison of Channing Tatum and myself.
1. He is 32 years old and I am 101 years old. While he has me beat in age I certainly have him beat in experience.
2. He oversees the Rainforest Fund and I can not even go into a forest without wondering which trees would make me a better house. HMMM!! See I am more practical. Shelter first!
3. He dates young beautiful women. Well I date an amazingly loving and beautiful woman who has substance not just big boobs and a peanut brain. In your face Channing!!! By the way my partner has the most amazing boobs, smiles.
4. He stars in television and movies. I watch them in the comfort of my own home, mostly commercial free, without the benefit of a director to plan out my every move.
5. He has won some 15 awards for his acting work. I have a participation trophy from Carteret, NJ Little League for my less than stellar work on The Peterson Poultry team.
6. He has six pack abs. I have keg abs that assist me in killing all you can eat pancake breakfasts.
HMMM! On second thought I think Channing probably deserves this honor. I will have to go back into training and prepare for next years contest.
Lets hope I am not disappointed a 102nd time!!!