Black Friday Behavior Is Appalling

 I have been watching the reports of appalling behavior at stores all across the United States. I have also been watching the tweets of people who seem to blame retailers for this behaving; especially Walmart.

Blaming the retailers for despicable behavior by their costumers is like blaming a car for the accident caused by its driver. Just stupid, stupid stupid behavior!!

Apparently the possibility of saving a few dollars brings the worst out in some people. But there is a segment of every society that thrives on bad behavior. There are those who are the perpetrators of this behavior and there is that segment of society that sits in wait to record this behavior.  These 'chronicalors of bad behavior' always have their camera phones and the shortest way to upload the pictures to the Internet at the ready.

I also believe that many of these 'papparazzi for chaos' are sitting in wait for the sole purpose of stirring up the pot of discontent among those who have agendas against business. It's possible that some of these incidents are staged. I have no proof but do have a strong feeling.

Millions of people take part in Black Friday shopping, my daughter being one, and never get involved with this behavior.

It's funny that we see very little about the thousands of stores that have well behaved costumers. I guess despicable behavior makes better news.

Randy

A Day To Be Thankful

Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for what we have been given and who we share our lives. Over the past few years my life has been a bumpy ride at best with few things to be thankful. Second Life has been better but still there were bumps in the road.

I have watched, in amazement, as my life slowly improves at an age where I did not expect any improvement. A woman has found her way into my Real and Second lives and elevated me. I find myself doing things again that I had laid by the side of the road, like an unneeded weight, thinking I would not return to them. But she has helped me find my way back to activities that were normal years ago but were set aside in my depression.

CeeCee Caledonia my new Second Life partner has set me on a new path to a happier life. I am thankful for her everyday. We are a six hour drive away form each other but she always makes sure that I am never alone. Never lonely. A constant flow of texts, phone calls and emails makes it difficult to feel alone.

Oh Yeah!! I am also thankful I have unlimited texting, lol.

We spent a wonderful three day weekend together; getting to know each other, discovering that we like being with each other and  seeing that even though we are not CeeCee and Zoilo, in real life, that there is an attraction and bond between us.

I am thankful for the smile she puts on my face everyday. The way we laugh out loud together, like two little kids being tickled, when we are on skype.

I am thankful for the way she kicks me in the butt to get me moving when I am down. I am thankful for the opportunity to treat her well because she deserves it.

I am thankful for her courage in meeting a stranger, who could have been a serial killer, and over coming her fears to get to know me.

I have always heard that happiness can improve an illness. I know that is true because I have been feeling so much better since she came into my life.

I am especially happy for the sense of hope she has instilled in me. I had lost that and her gift of returning it to me is the best thing anyone could have given me.

Happy Thanksgiving Baby!!

Love you!!

Randy

 

The Joy Of Spending Thanksgiving Alone

There was a time that the thought of spending any holiday alone was repugnant to me but over the years my mind has changed. Of course it may just be that I am rationalizing my plight and protecting my psyche but I do have my reasons for accepting my solitude.

Divorce not only separates families physically but it destroys the traditions that were built as a family unit. Families, especially the children, make any holiday special but Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. It is a family day of course but more than that it is a day of reflection. It is the gateway to the Christmas Season.

I loved Thanksgiving with my family as it was always a peaceful day with little stress. So different when extended family are introduced into the day.

I remember having to worry about where people sat because some had ongoing feuds and scheduling dinner around football games because some family members thought Thanksgiving was a celebration of the NFL.

The menu always had to be changed to accommodate other peoples Thanksgiving traditions. One year I was sent out to look for pickled crab apples because having those was a Thanksgiving tradition for one of my brother-in-laws.

I hated exiling my children to the 'childrens table'. It was like they were being second class citizened when they should be the focus of why we were thankful.

If I see one more relative sit on my couch, open up his pants and complain that he had eaten to much while asking for more pumpkin pie I will scream.

On a day when we are supposed to be enjoying the company of family and reflecting on our lives I have seen more family arguments than there are on Amish Mafia. No subject was devoid of the potential for argument. Politics, sports, the food and aunt Mabel's massive boil on her ass that requires her to sit on four pillows so she can eat dinner are all thrown around, debated and produced arguments with someones feelings hurt and dinner ruined.

These days I spend a quiet day in solitude except for brief visits from my children to drop off food because they believe that I will starve if they don't, lol.  My ex manipulates their holiday time through threats and whining so I never get to make a dinner at my place. The kids know that dad will not complain and it's easier for them to give in to mom than fight her.

This year, for the first time in probably seven years I am making a turkey dinner. Yeppers, I will be eating turkey for a week so I have been looking at recipes like turkey pot pie and turkey soup to use up the leftovers.. Simple things that I like.

In essence I will begin again to make my own holiday traditions. Like Grilled Turkey, Brie, and Apple Butter Sandwich with Arugula. Yummy!!

Have a wonderful holiday!!!

Randy

Lesbian Anniversary~No Balloons

'Lesbian Anniversary~No Balloons'; I know that every female same sex couple wants that written on their anniversary cake. This is exactly what happened to a couple in the Washington DC area recently.

"The customer, identified only as Sarah, told The Advocate that she had ordered a carrot cake based on a design she saw in the Arlington, Va. bakery's catalog that featured balloons crafted out of icing. Sarah said she requested that her custom cake not include the balloons, but read "Happy Anniversary Lindsey! Love, Sarah" instead."

"When Sarah picked up the cake, it read, "Lesbian Anniv. No Ballons" [sp] in lieu of her suggested message. The cake was also chocolate and featured the icing balloons that Sarah had requested not be included."

This type of slight has been happening more and more especially in the service industry where tips are being withheld because of the servers sexual orientation.

Withholding gratuities is sometimes alright; if the service is bad or the food literally sucks but to evoke the sexual orientation of the server as a reason is despicable.

These same bigots sit in their churches extruding a 'hollier than thou' attitude every Sunday. They lay their bigotry at the feet of God where it does not belong. Bigotry against gays, just because they are gay, is no different than bigotry against peoples of color just because they are not white. It is an ignorant stance taken by people who claim to know God but in reality their attitudes will never let God know them.

God teaches love and caring for all people. HE never teaches hate. Hate is taught by humans who in their quest for relevance always have to keep someone down. They demonize segments of our society in an effort to justify their battle against the devil because being different or having different beliefs in some way is proof that the devil exists.

I would be happy sitting at the gates of Heaven, for eternity, watching God turn away all these bigots for their lack of love and compassion for all Gods creatures.

Randy

We Should Be Afraid to Leave our Houses

Every time we wander out of our houses to run life's little errands we take our lives into our own hands. There is a pretty good chance that you may not make it home from your trip to the grocery or Wally World.

Many of us have a use the stairs to improve our health but did you know that 12,000 people are killed each year by stairs. You are safer taking the elevator. Only 27 people are killed using elevators each years.

Everyday Americans make over 260 million trips across the 66,749 bridges defined as 'structrually deficient' by the Federal Highway Administration. That's about 1 in 9 bridges in the United States.

Did you know that you are very likely to contract a Hospital Acquired Infection when admitted to a hospital. There is an estimated 1.7 million infections and 99,000 deaths associated with Hospital Acquired Infections. And the hospital charges you to clear up the infection.

Things that can give you cancer; smoking, asbestos and the hair products that we use everyday to prepare for that trip out.

Want to take your child out for a hot dog? Don't! 77 children a year are killed by hot dogs.

Birds flying into airplanes have caused 250 deaths worldwide since 1988.

Now that I have you afraid to leave the house; you are no safer staying home.

Your cats carry diseases that can be transferred to humans. Diseases like toxoplasmosis that has been associated with increases in risk behavior, mental disorders including ACHD, OCD, schizophrenia or a greater chance of suicidal behavior. Puppies can transfer campylobactor to humans which cause diarrhea.

Speaking of dogs; last year 37 people were killed by dogs and only 1 by a bear.

Bathtubs kill 341 people annually.

600 people die in America every year by falling out of bed.

15,260 times per year(42 times a day) houses burn down because of open flames like with candles.

Finally from 2002 - 2010 , and I am crossing my legs while I type this, 17, 616 people went to the ER with genitalia injuries caused by zippers. OUCH!!!

So we are not safe anywhere.

Enjoy your holiday kiddies! LOL!!

Randy

PETA Tries To Eat Macys Thanksgiving Parade

Political Correctness, left leaning agendas and tradition destroying activists continue to chip away at our traditions like shit eating birds chipping away at an elephants dung heap.

This time it's the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. A purely entertaining experience enjoyed my millions of Americans every year for the past 89 years. As a child attending the parade with my family was an exciting tradition that marked the beginning of the Christmas season.

In walks PETA to try and spoil this event for the rest of us. First there is a flap over Joan Jett and the Blackhearts being bumped off the South Dakota float because Joan is a vegetarian. The complaint was made by the South Dakota Cattleman's Association.  Lets see; a vegetarian on a float representing a state that is a major meat producer.

"She was scheduled to sing atop South Dakota's tourism float until an outcry from the South Dakota Cattleman's Association, which said it made no sense to feature an artist who is critical of the state's top economic sector", according to a report in the Huffington Post. Joan did not belong here in the first place. Any self respecting vegetarian would not want to represent a meat producing state.

Now PETA is going to protest the Sea World float because they believe that Sea World mistreats their animals. Whales in particular. This protest is based on the documentary Blackfish. Have you ever noticed how leftists know how to manipulate public opinion with an endless flow of documentaries that were made with the conclusions in hand before the film was even started.

"The Sea World float, which depicts rolling waves, tropical fish, penguins and Shamu, comes months after the release of the documentary "Blackfish," which contends that Sea World's poor treatment of its killer whales contributed to the aggression of a whale involved in a trainer's death."

"Sea World says the accusations have "absolutely no basis" and that "the men and women who care for these animals at Sea World are dedicated in every respect to their health and well-being."

Now Alec Baldwin and his wife Hilarious( or whatever her name is) have chimed in; "Among those joining were actor Alec Baldwin and his wife, Hilaria, who wrote last week that Sea World was a "cruel prison for whales" and that the parks "should not be celebrated with a giant Shamu float parading down 34th Street."

Anything these two cretins are against I will stand up for. They are the sole reason I would like to see a new group formed, PETP~People For the Ethical Treatment of People, as they seem to have more respect for animals than they do people.

We are living in a time when groups political agendas are invading every aspect of our lives and traditions. Christmas is under attack in schools as being a religious holiday while other religions are given free reign to wander the hallowed halls of our schools.

Political agendas are invading sports through political advertising and payments to teams to show support for political objectives.

Crime is ignored by the main stream media, like this new abomination the 'knock out game' where gangs of youths attack innocent people in an attempt to knock them out. The main stream press seems to be ignoring the story and I believe it is because all evidence seems to point to black on white crime and reporting on this would not fit the liberal press agenda.

Political Correctness, left leaning agendas and tradition destroying activists will continue to chip away at our traditions and society until American society is unrecognizable. The only thing that will stop them is if we do not give into them. Treat them like terrorists and do not negotiate.

Randy

Emotional Pain

“Everyone keeps telling me that time heals all wounds, but no one can tell me what I’m supposed to do right now. Right now I can’t sleep. It’s right now that I can’t eat. Right now I still hear his voice and sense his presence even though I know he’s not here. Right now all I seem to do is cry. I know all about time and wounds healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don’t know what to do with all this hurt right now”, Nina Guilbeau, To many Sisters

How do you stop the tears of someone you hurt when the mere fact that you are happy causes them more pain? It is a question with no easy answer. Having empathy toward another person, because you understand their pain as you have experienced it yourself, is no help to to them. There is nothing that the causer of the pain can do to take that pain go away.

After a relationship a grieving process will occur, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are stages or this process. I understand these stages as I have been through them many times. But some circumstances causing breakups are harder to handle than others.

When a relationship is full of love yet ends for other reasons it is difficult to accept. Any relationship needs more than love. A couples goals and aspirations need to coincide. Only a cooperative nature in the relationship will move it forward.

If one partners goals are unachievable, within the relationship, the relationship will suffer. Of course this does not lessen the pain and hurt the other partner feels when the split occurs.

I believe that few people set out to hurt anyone intentionally but intentionally or not the pain is intense and life consuming. 

  Denying that this could possibly be happening to you followed by anger so strong that you actually hate and love someone at the same time is confusing. The anger makes your healing process difficult and you begin to hatch plans to get back the person you love. When you finally see that this will not happen you slip into a depression that consumes you. Only through finally accepting the loss can you move on and rebuild your life.

The worse feeling that I have ever experienced, and I am sure others have experienced this, is that feeling of loving and hating someone at the same time. It's confusing and destructive.

 

Anger, even well placed anger, is the greatest stumbling  block to the healing process. The longer you hold onto it the longer you will suffer. I am not saying that you have to sing peace songs with the object of your anger but a person needs to let it go.

Moving on with someone else becomes an issue of trust at a time when trust has been crushed. Trusting another person, after a breakup, can either go one of two ways; you trust to much and to soon and open yourself up to another hurt or you hold back distrusting everyone.

It takes a long time to gain some one's trust. It's a slow process that takes great patience on the part of your new prospective partner. That person must be patient, loving and understanding. They should only make promises that they believe they can keep. Sometimes it feels like you are walking on eggshells but the rewards for you patience and love are great.

Life is not meant to be lived alone. Only bonding with another person will complete your healing process.

Find a way to let the pain and hurt go and look for some happiness.

Randy

Busting Myths Or Looking At Busts~~I Am So Confused

The birth place of a myth is the human mind. It can conjure up ideas, offer no proof and repeat its fantasies causing whatever it thinks to be perceived as the truth. I am sure that the Myth of the Loch Ness Monster started out as a whopping fishing tale hundreds of years ago.

Or the belief that Florida is flat.

                              Myth Busted!! Not all things in Florida are flat.

Other myths that were busted;

1. Lightening does not strike the same place twice. Actually lightening likes certain places especially high ones. The Empire State building is struck 25 times a year.

2. It takes 7 years to digest gum. While it may prove a bit more difficult to break down than organic foodstuffs, chewing gum gets no special treatment from the digestive system. Doctors figure this old wives' tale was invented to prevent kids from swallowing the rubbery substance.

3. A penny dropped from the top of a tall building could kill a pedestrian. A penny isn't the most aerodynamic of weapons. A combination of its shape and wind friction means that, tossed even from the 1,250-foot Empire State Building, it would travel fast enough merely to sting an unlucky pedestrian.

4. Men think about sex every seven seconds. Males are driven to reproduce, evolutionarily speaking, but there is no scientific way of measuring to what extent that desire consumes their everyday lives. Thankfully, for world productivity as a whole, seven seconds seems a gross overstatement, as best researchers can tell. I am still researching this one, lol.

5. Water drains backwards in the Southern Hemisphere due to the Earth's rotation. Not only is the Earth's rotation too weak to affect the direction of water flowing in a drain, tests you can easily perform in a few washrooms will show that water whirlpools both ways depending on the sinks structure, not the hemisphere.

These are just a spattering of busted myths. Our culture if rife with cultural and urban legends that have no basis in fact but continue to permeate our lives. Like Christmas poinsettias are fatal if ingested, there is no gravity in space, jet hand driers are more sanitary than using paper towels,  and one of my favorites Sir Thomas Crapper invented the flush toilet; are all easily disproved by a little research.

All these myths were found with just a few keystrokes into the Internet.

Now I am off to find those mountains in Florida, lo,.

Randy

The majority of these myths were found at uphaa.com

The Washing Machine Philosophy

Lets start the week off with a joke.

A husband and wife, with three children, used the term 'lets washing machine' for them having sex so their children did not understand what they were talking about.

For the past week the husband had asked repeatedly, "Honey lets washing machine tonight". He was told that she was not in the mood five days in a row.

The wife, seeing her husbands growing frustration, finally said  "Honey lets washing machine tonight".

His reply, "No need, it was a light load so I did it by hand".

I think the moral of this story is to stay the hell out of these peoples laundry room, lol.

Life can be just like a washing machine. It flows through cycles.

'Pre soak' is like the first dates. Feeling each other out. Seeing if there is enough of an attraction to move the wash load along.

The 'soak cycle' is the one where men and women reside when they are deciding whether 'he or she' is the one.

The 'wash cycle' is like living life together. Things always changing and people adapt to their situation. I think a happy relationship stays in this cycle. Couples that adjust to life's changes favorably never have to move on; they just stay here and work out the stains and dirt of life rubbing up against each other happily.

The 'rinse cycle' happens when couples start to fall out of love and  life together starts to fall apart. All the good in the relationship starts to dissolve in a constant flow of mixed emotions.

When a relationship leaves the washer and get put into the dryer lawyers make money and hearts crack.

Hows that for home spun philosophy from a man who has been in the dryer many times, lol.

Randy

Life Truly Is A Sexually Transmitted Disease

"There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain", R.D. Laing

I constantly find it amazing that we are the creators of our own discomforts. We paint ourselves into corners and, in our distinctly human reaction, blame others or our environment for our predicaments. We are all guilty of doing this, probably on a subconscious level, in what I believe is an attempt at making ourselves feel significant in a world where few are significant.

Life is meant to be lived with gusto. Whether that life is significant to the world around us should be irrelevant to how we live it. Painting our selves into corners is a waste of time as getting out of the corner is time consuming . Life passes us by while we wait for the paint to dry so we can extricate ourselves from that corner and back into living our lives.

In Second Life this process is called 'drama' and everyone has a desire to avoid it. But how do you avoid what is a basic human instinct? Drama is a pan universal concept that transcends the real and virtual. There will always be those that produce drama and those that are drama's recipients.

You can not run from drama you must deal with it. Sure drama causes pain but the pain is a building block of our personalities. Our experiences, happiness, pain, love, sex and all the other levels of the human condition, are what makes up our being.

How can you understand the importance of love if you have never experienced the loss of love? How can you understand the value of friendship if you never put yourself out there for a friend?

Embrace your emotions do not avoid them. Hold your pain in high regard as a learning tool for living your life.

Live your life everyday as if this was your last day. The significance of the life you lead is most important within yourself. No one can place a value on your life. That is your job!!

Randy

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain”, Jim Morrison

Expatriation~~The Concept Pisses Me Off

"The Wall Street Journal reports that 2013 has already set a new record for "expatriation's," defined as citizens renouncing their citizenship or permanent residents giving back their green cards. The Journal quotes tax lawyer Andrew Mitchel, who found that there have been 2,369 expatriation's as of the end of the third quarter; that's an increase of 33 percent over all of 2011, the previous record-holder."
I am sure there are a thousands reasons for leaving The United States for another country of residence. Disillusion with the government or family strife come to mind. This country was started by expatriates looking for a better life.

But I take extreme umbrage with leaving the country that gave you success to avoid paying taxes on that success. I am a fiscal conservative and believe in low taxes and controlled government spending but I would never leave this country to achieve my political view.

These expatriates are not the everyday man or woman on the street. Rather they are people who have used this country to achieve financial successes and accumulate wealth.

Many of these people are the same ones that cheer on government spending through entitlement programs knowing that increased taxes will be necessary to pay for this spending. They use the weight of their celebrity or wealth to push the idea that government is the answer to everything and personal responsibility is not necessary.

Then after they do their damage, while knowing that they will not live under the same rules as the common men and women, they scram out of town to some tax haven leaving the rest of us to pay the bills that they supported.

SHAME ON YOU!!!

Maybe a 50% tax on all assets that they try to take out of the country will set them straight.

Damn I was in such a good mood all week. Fucking Expatriates!!!

Randy

My Search For Tom & Jerry And The Possible Loss Of My Beloved Frosted Flakes

Last Saturday morning I was sitting in a hotel room waiting, as men often do, for a woman to get ready to go out. It was early so I decided to slip back to my childhood with a little cartoon watching. That didn't happen!! I could not find a cartoon that I recognized anywhere on television.

My search finally took me to The Cartoon Network that showed 'ONE HOUR' of  Looney Toons followed by things I had never seen or heard of before.

Where are the hiding Tom & Jerry? Where is Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd? For that matter where are The Three Stooges and The Dead End Kids? These things that I grew up watching are disappearing from the television landscape to be replaced by robots, Pokemon and something called Teen Titans.

On the heels of this revelation comes a story about the possible loss of cereal from our lives. Cereal is being replaced by yogurt and fast food breakfast sandwiches. Will this madness never end?

 

I need my Frosted Flakes and Raisin Bran!!! Along with the loss of our favorite cartoon characters we may see The Trix Rabbit, Count Chocula, Tony The Tiger, Lucky the Lucky Charms Leprechaun , Cap'n Crunch and Snap, Crackle, and Pop disappear from our lives.

As a child, Saturday mornings were a time for a big bowl of cereal while watching the Road Runner kick Wylie Coyote's ass or Bugs Bunny put that befuddled look on Elmer Fudd's face. It was a time when The Little Rascals put on that 'show to beat all shows' and Alfalfa would fall in love every week.

It was on Saturday mornings that The Dead End Kids made living in NYC interesting and Andy Devine showed us Tarzan and Sabu movies to the catch phrase "plunk your magic twanger Froggy".

Being a kid in the 50's was a fun time.

“I’d like to be a kid again but only because naps were insisted, twirling in circles was acceptable, and the only password I had to remember was open sesame.” – Adar Burks

Randy

It's One Of Those Days

Did you ever have a day when you did not feel like doing anything except stare at the sky? That's the way I feel today. I am in a good mood, am happy and yet being productive is like a foreign concept.

I am content with looking out the window at the trees blowing in the wind in my backyard.

It's a cool crisp fall day. The kind of day that demands a hot chocolate while sitting in front of a warm fire. When I was a kid this would have been a day I would look forward to for a camping trip. Hikes in the woods, food cooked over open fires and falling asleep to the smell of a wood burning fire were comforting for me.

These days the hikes are tiring, the cool air works on my joints like a saw and the thought of crawling out of my warm house does not appeal to me at all, lol. Funny how age changes one's prospective on things, lol.

Age and in my case medications have changed the way I live my life. There was a time I could spend my day in just shorts and a tee shirt regardless of the time of year. I get to cold for that now. I use to sleep naked every night but now I search for pajamas. Warm drinks have replaced cold ones. Water has replaced beer and hard liquor is a thing of the past.

Before I got sick I was a meat eating, fast food restaurant going, vegetable avoiding man. My occasional bouts of gout, helped on by some of my medications, have me avoiding meat and fast food restaurants and eating vegetables like a grazing goat.

But here's the kicker kiddies; I am happier and healthier that I have been in years. I still have a ways to go, as proven by how tired I was after the long sightseeing walks I took last weekend. But improvement will continue. I'm not done yet, lol.

So today will be an unproductive day. The hero of my book, Nights Dance To Day, waits for me to find a way out of the situation I wrote him into and the people of Ferry Road sit quietly on their front porches waiting for me to chronicle their adventures. They can wait one day while I enjoy being alive.

Randy

Adventures In Real Life

My Second Life girl friend and I, CeeCee Caledonia, ventured out into real life together this past weekend. I guess girl friend is not an accurate term as at out age we have reached woman and man status so 'woman friend' is more appropriate but sounds so stuffy, lol.

In real life we live five hours from each other so we found a place half way , Petersburg, Virginia, to meet. It's a place with lots to see and we knew that a first meeting had to have activities that we could do while we figured out if real life was a possibility.

I must admit it was a bit scary. At least at first. We quickly found that we were essentially the same people in real life that we were in second life so being comfortable with each other came quickly. Even so there is still worry about whether you will actually like someone's physical form. Pictures do not always do a person justice and to many people, in second life, are hung up on the beauty we give ourselves as avatars.

Smiles, we liked each other even though I am no Zoilo. But Cee actually looks like she does in second life(she made me say that) so I was excited, lol.

People risk a lot when they take their second lives into real life. Cee and I have a beautiful home together in second life, we are raising two cats, have mutual friends; all of which is put on jeopardy if we decided that we did not actually like our real selves. Thank God we did!!

Of course not every thing was a bed of roses.

     At one point we were put in this device. Yeppers that's actually Cee and I, lol.

We had walked a lot and I am not fully recovered from my heart episode so I admit I was quit tired. We were boarding a shuttle bus, at Colonial Williamsburg, when I spotted a baby with a mustache(she had a pacifier that made her look like she had a mustache). In my fascination with the baby I lost my balance, the bus was packed, and almost landed in some woman's lap. Getting old is a bitch, lol.

I would recommend meeting someone from second life if you find someone that you feel is special. It can turn out to b a beautiful thing.

I would also suggest that women do a background check, on anyone they meet, for their own safety. The world is full of nuts. Cee now knows how nuts I am and she still met me. What's up with that? LOL!!

Randy

PS.... Thank you Rose for sending me the cologne. I smelled wonderful and I think it made me a bit better looking, smiles.

Man In Tree and Shorty

I am throwing political correctness out the window this morning to tell two of my favorite jokes, lol.

 

 

A young man walked out with his girlfriend every Sunday and as they passed a large oak tree he got down on his knees and begged her to have sex with him. Her reply was, "If God says it's OK to have sex with you let him tell me?"

So the young man looked up to the sky and said, " Lordy, Lordy up above can I fucks the one I love?". Of course there was not answer.

This went on for several weeks until the young man convinced his friend to climb up the tree and act as God giving permission for sex.

So on Sunday the couple wandered under the tree. The young man knelt down and repeated his question, "Lordy, Lordy up above can I fucks the one I love?"

This time a deep voice answered.

"Yes you can! And if there is any left for me I am coming down from this here tree!"

Moral of the story; even God can not over come a stupid friend, lol.

 

A man was in the hospital after a car accident in which he was severely injured. He was there for over a month so the nursing staff got to know him very well. Including the fact that he had the word 'Shorty' tattooed on his penis.

On the day of his discharge he asked one of the nurses, Clarice,  out for a date. After she consulted with the other nurses, and after they all decided that any one with Shorty on his penis could do not any damage, so she agreed to go out with him.

The day after their date Clarice came to work looking like she had slept in a dumpster all night. Hair all messed up, make up askew, clothing rumpled and walking with a pronounced limp.

All her friends rushed to her to find out what had happened on her date with Shorty.

She answered;  when Shorty got hard the tattoo said "Shorty's Bar & Grill Chattanooga, Tennessee".

Moral; you never know what you are going to get when you open the package.

Life is like these jokes. People are always looking for something and never really know what they are getting.

Tomorrow I start a journey but I am luckier than Clarice and that young horny man. I know what I am getting and am very much looking forward to see things first hand.

I have already asked for Gods help and could not find a friend willing to climb that tree but I will be on very good hands.

Randy

The Inevitability Of Butt Karma

Yes sir you read that title correctly, "The Inevitability Of Butt Karma". Butt Karma, a term coined by me, is the inevitability of having an anal accident when your stomach is upset and to have to travel by car.

This is a situation most of us have faced and one in which extreme tension is built up when increased tension is the last thing you need. I have experienced this personally but not recently. Back in my drinking days this was a common ailment for me. Especially on my ride to work, lol.

          How many of you wished this was in your car on those difficult mornings.

While I never personally had an anal incident while driving I did witness one that has stuck with me for many years and to this day makes me laugh.

I was on a date one night with a girl I thought was very shy. At least I thought that until our ride home. We had been out dancing, drinking and eating Mexican food until the wee hours of the morning. A lethal combination indeed, lol.

I was driving a Ford Expedition with lots of room to wander about. We were a little over 30 miles from home, on Interstate 95, when she asked me to find a bathroom. It just so happened that at this late house most gas stations and fast food places were closed and the closest bathroom was actually at one of our houses.

She was panicked. At one point I offered to pull to the side of the interstate and let her head for the woods. I am a good date,,lol. But it was dark and she was apprehensive about this solution. So she thought up a solution of her own.

In the back of my SUV was a fairly large flower pot. She put her jacket in the bottom to cover the little hole and, you guessed it, did her business in it. Did I mention that this was in January and it was cold. I had to drive home the rest of the way with the windows open freezing my ass off. I am a gentleman and gave her my jacket as hers was sort of indisposed.

That kiddies is Butt Karma!!!

By the way it was our first  and last date, lol.

Randy

Churches Are Finally Listening To Me

A few months ago I wrote a blog titled 'I want my communion coffee'. It was about what it would take to get me back into a Christian church. Things like communion consisting of coffee and sausage biscuits, seats that were recliners with the NFL package on small screens so I don't miss any games and 'topless' Friday night meetings with the girls from the Crazy Horse Saloon in Myrtle beach were high on my list of attractors.

Until now no church has picked up my call to bring me back into the fold. Not until I read this line from an article by Erica E. Phillips and Ben Kesling; "My name is Darin," the Methodist congregation's 37-year-old music director said, grinning. "And I like me a 30-pack of Busch Light!"

Yeppers there is a Beer church in Allendale, Michigan. It's a start I can not ignore. There are also "Church-in-a-pub" gatherings in Fort Worth, Texas. I am so psyched.

Religious leaders behind the trend defend this unique brand of worship. Among them is Pastor Matt Bistayi, who organizes Allendale, Mich., church meetings known as "What Would Jesus Brew?"  I never wanted to move to a colder climate again but I am being enticed.

Now I am waiting for my 'topless' Friday night meetings and my bags will be packed. I can have coffee and sausage biscuits before I leave for worship at the local brew pub/church.

Of course there are always people who want to ruin a good thing.

 

                                           Talk about a buzz kill!!!

Randy

Have You Ever Tried To Manipulate Your Pussy

OK you pervs I am talking about your cats. Have you ever tried to get your cat to do something that you wanted. Good Luck With That! The term denoting a level of difficulty, 'it's like trying to herd cats', says it all when trying to manipulate your cat into doing anything that you want them to do.

Recent studies on the evolution of the cat's purr, done in the United Kingdom, have discovered that   there is an embedded frequency in the cat's purr that irritates humans but at the same time brings out a nurturing attitude in human cat owners.

Notice I said human cat owners. I have no idea if zombie cat owners are affected. I would think not as a cats purr would only incite a need for lunch in a zombie.

According to Jennifer Viegas, in an article dated February 1, 2011,  cats adore and manipulate women. Relationships between cats and their owners mirror human bonds, especially when the owner is a woman. Cats hold some control over when they are fed and handled, functioning very similar to human children in some households. While the age, sex and personality of owners affect these relationships, the sex of the cat doesn't seem to matter.

I guess this explains why we see so many cat ladies on the news being evicted from their houses because of cat over population and never seem to see men in this situation.

Now this is scary. In an article titled, 'A Parasite Found In Cats Could Be Manipulating Our Brains', Eric Goldshein reports that a long-buried, oft-derided theory is gaining traction in the medical world: cats are harboring a parasite that can manipulate human behavior and personality, sometimes to fatal ends.

This parasite, called Toxoplasma gondii, which is found in cat feces, can infect the human brain in a variety of ways. According to Mr. Goldshein the effects of T. gondii range from seemingly benign — it makes men more introverted and women more extroverted — to deadly, as it may contribute to schizophrenia or to slower reaction times that lead to car crashes. 

The author estimates that the death of up to One Million people a year may be attributed to the T. gondii parasite.

OK, to my point. I am living with this male cat. He does what he wants when he wants. Wanders the neighborhood acting like Don Juan and just about every kitten and young cat I see looks like him. He is 15 years old and seems to be getting stronger.

I am 65 years old and seem to be getting weaker. I believe that this freaking cat has infested me with the T. gondii parasite and is sapping my strength to use for his continued amorous adventures. I am falling asleep at 9 pm and the cat is getting all the action and then he has the nerve to bitch when I don't feed him on time.

If you do not hear from be for any extended length of time; have the cat arrested for murder by parasite.

Randy

Divorce Lawyers~~Earth's Scum

The other day, in Second Life, I heard two guys talking about their lawyers. One stated that his lawyer was with the firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. I didn't say anything at the time but I know this firm well. They were my ex wife's lawyers during our divorce.

My lawyer was an old country lawyer who was more suited handling minor car accidents rather than a divorce. It was like watching David fight Goliath and David gets his ass kicked badly.

So now I am living in my car with my cat who is totally unhappy. He keeps looking at me with this WTF look that says "Hey she divorced you! Why am I living in this car?" I feel for him but I do not have the heart to tell him that it was a genitalia purge and he was packing the wrong genitalia.

Of course after the purge my ex got remarried to a guy who reminds me of that old cartoon character Baby Huey and as far as genitalia is concerned I believe his were removed on the wedding night. I am not bitter at all,,lol.

                              My cat sunning himself on our veranda, lol.

Now as far as my cat goes he is doing much better than I. We have been parked in the local Walmart parking lot for several months and he has made himself right at home. He has even met a few of the local female cats and dines out with them every night near the dumpster. He always comes home in the early morning and has this wide satisfied smile on his face.

As for me; my love life consists of cordial hellos with the woman that cleans the Walmart bathrooms and a very uncomfortable feeling I get from the towel boy at the local YMCA where I shower. lol.

I have noticed that I smile a lot more these days so this experience has not been all bad. Another good thing about living like this is that I can go live at the beach anytime I want. All I have to do is change Walmart parking lots.

The cat always bitches about our moves.

Randy