Man In Tree and Shorty

I am throwing political correctness out the window this morning to tell two of my favorite jokes, lol.

 

 

A young man walked out with his girlfriend every Sunday and as they passed a large oak tree he got down on his knees and begged her to have sex with him. Her reply was, "If God says it's OK to have sex with you let him tell me?"

So the young man looked up to the sky and said, " Lordy, Lordy up above can I fucks the one I love?". Of course there was not answer.

This went on for several weeks until the young man convinced his friend to climb up the tree and act as God giving permission for sex.

So on Sunday the couple wandered under the tree. The young man knelt down and repeated his question, "Lordy, Lordy up above can I fucks the one I love?"

This time a deep voice answered.

"Yes you can! And if there is any left for me I am coming down from this here tree!"

Moral of the story; even God can not over come a stupid friend, lol.

 

A man was in the hospital after a car accident in which he was severely injured. He was there for over a month so the nursing staff got to know him very well. Including the fact that he had the word 'Shorty' tattooed on his penis.

On the day of his discharge he asked one of the nurses, Clarice,  out for a date. After she consulted with the other nurses, and after they all decided that any one with Shorty on his penis could do not any damage, so she agreed to go out with him.

The day after their date Clarice came to work looking like she had slept in a dumpster all night. Hair all messed up, make up askew, clothing rumpled and walking with a pronounced limp.

All her friends rushed to her to find out what had happened on her date with Shorty.

She answered;  when Shorty got hard the tattoo said "Shorty's Bar & Grill Chattanooga, Tennessee".

Moral; you never know what you are going to get when you open the package.

Life is like these jokes. People are always looking for something and never really know what they are getting.

Tomorrow I start a journey but I am luckier than Clarice and that young horny man. I know what I am getting and am very much looking forward to see things first hand.

I have already asked for Gods help and could not find a friend willing to climb that tree but I will be on very good hands.

Randy