Warnings About Shortening Our Lives

There is always a constant flow of stories about how our habits are shortening our lives. Like my early years of boozing, drugs, late night and all night partying and a constant flow of strange women did not do enough damage, lol. Now it seems my slower lifestyle is stealing years from me. I just can not catch a break.

                                            Now that's personal, lol.

According to the Huffington Post; there are eleven things that we do that may shorten our lives. Lets examine them because as we know that the Huffington Post is a totally accurate, scientifically based organization so we have to take their word for this stuff. Oh Yeah!! I have a nice piece of farm land available in the middle of the Everglades. Call me!!

These will shorten your life.

1. Your having a hard time finding love. Shit we are all dead. Love is that elusive greased pig at the carnival; always in sight but hard to grasp onto. These days many people think that a quickie in the bathroom at IHOP is love. Damn we are all doomed.

2. Your sitting down more than a few hours a day. Since most of us have jobs that require long hours of sitting this will kill us for sure.

3. You are neglecting your friends. Studies show that prolonged loneliness is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. HMMM!! I'm a dead man for sure.

4. Your vegging out in front of the TV. Finally one I do not do, lol. But of course I am vegging out in front of the computer so am I any better off? Damn Second Life, lol.

5. Your eating to much unhealthy food. Hopefully this is a reversible effect as I have improved my diet over the past few years. But all those years of being a fast food junkie did take their toll.

6. Your still looking for a job. NOT ME!! I made my own job of writing and I am also helping keep others working in the paper industry with my constants flow of rejection letters. Gold star for me. My inability to sell what I write is saving lives.

7. Your dealing with a long commute. Lets see; its about 50 feet from the bedroom to my computer; about 10 feet from computer to kitchen and 30 to a bathroom. Nope the commute is good.

8. Your having a dry spell. Here we go. To much sex might kill me because of my heart condition and to little sex will shorten my life. People in long dry spells can have mortality rates 50% higher than those who have regular orgasms. I say; masturbate, masturbate masturbate. Your life depends on it.

9. Your putting up with annoying coworkers. Well my cat is a pain in my ass but he is the only coworker I have and his purring does have a calming effect.

10. Your not sleeping enough. Damn Second Life, lol.

11. You fear death or that you will not live as long as you like. So basically the Huffington Post, by writing this article, has shortened your life as you would never have worried about this stuff had they never reported on it.

Kiddies just live your life the best you can. Just like sex; its not the length but the way you stir the pot. Great people have lived short lives. Some really boring ones have lived for freaking ever.

Randy