So to that end I rose from a wonderful nights sleep to face my email infested day. My first problem became evident as soon as I opened my spam folder. I was torn between ordering a Russian Bride or taking advantage of 'Lonely Wife Hookups'. A massive dilemma that was only solved after I was guaranteed that my new Russian Bride would come with a razor and instructions on how to use it.
She arrives tomorrow. I had her shipped by UPS as I thought the regular mail service would take to long and I do not want her to arrive stale and yucky.
My next task was to apply for a 'reverse mortgage' to cover the cost of my new Russian Bride. She was not as expensive as an American Bride so I did not need much money but I needed to cover all my associated expenses.
As my new Russian Bride is just 25 years old I had to stock up on Viagra. My doctor also ordered Physical Therapy to improve my back strength and cardiovascular endurance. Have to keep my new bride happy, lol.
I am undergoing medical treatment to increase my testosterone levels. Every little bit helps.
In another move to be able to afford my new Russian Bride; I changed my car insurance and saved hundreds of dollars.
Some of my savings went into adding satellite television to my regular cable so she can watch the 'all Russian Network' until she learns English.
I also changed my telephone service to Vonage so she could call home as much as she wants. Now that's Crazy Generous, lol.
Finally I added life insurance with my children as beneficiaries so they will get some inheritance after my new Russian Bride rips me off and leaves me with a storeroom full of Viagra and an erection that lasts more then four hours.
Where the hell is my doctors phone number!!
Randy
PS...No Russian Brides were injured in the writing of this blog. And PLEASE~~to my Russian readers, and there seem to be many, this is satire and I do have great respect for the Russian People. Now give us Snowden back so we can fry that bastard, lol.
PSS...If every Russian woman looks like the pictures in the Russian Bride advertisements; what the hell is wrong with Russian men?
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