When Did You Choose?

A lot has been written about sexual orientation being a choice for gay men and women and although I do not believe that it is a choice those that hold to that premise are firm in their beliefs.

If homosexuality is a choice than being straight must also be a choice. There has been quite a bit written about the choice to be straight lately.

My problem with choice of sexual orientation is that I personally do not remember making a choice to be straight. I do not remember ever even thinking about whether I preferred men or women. But apparently somewhere along the line I made my choice.

I have been wracking my brain all morning looking for that defining moment when I decided I liked eating tacos rather than hot dogs( a reference to a line in the movie 50 First dates).

What day was it that I looked at the makeup of a man and decided that a heart shaped ass, perky breasts and rounded hips were for me?

I remember staring at 'girly magazines in my friends basement when I was 12 and liking it. I remember trying my hardest to catch a glimpse of my friends sister's bra on many many occasions.

My first sexual experience,with a female  at age 14, was more confusing than choice affirming. But put all together these experiences seem to be pointing me down the heterosexual highway.

But wait!! I love musicals to the point that I bought the sound tracks and sing along with them.

I love being well dressed and neat. I loved my male image much more when my muscles were firm, my hair was dark brown and all there and before the ravages of getting older sent many of my body parts in s southerly direction.

So were these things pointing me in the direction of homosexual freeway?

It is no wonder that our teen years are so confusing. Besides all the pressures of growing up we are faced with what is arguably our most important decision.

Am I Gay or Straight?

Here I am in my waining years and still I have no idea when I made my choice to be heterosexual.

It bothers me that I do not know. Did I put more thought into what car I would drive than I did into who I sleep with?

Did I subconsciously choose the easy road of heterosexuality because I knew deep down inside that choosing to be a homosexual was such a harder life course? 

Am I lying to myself? Am I a coward?

An awful lot of questions right?

In reality an awful lot of unnecessary questions. Because kiddies I did not choose, consciously or subconsciously, to be a heterosexual. I was born straight!!!!!

Homosexuals were born homosexuals!!!

There was no choice for me and there was no choice for them. All there is is life to be lived.

Randy

PS......To the members of the Westboro Baptist Church~~Your place in hell awaits.

WTFUCKERY- I Love It

WTFUCKERY

1. When WTF just isn't good enough to describe your astonishment at the situation.

2. WTF to the power of 10.

3. Used when you want to add letters at the end of WTF to make yourself sound extra baffled.

I love the English language. it adapts to any situation and the formation of new words is as simple as whispering a word you invent in someones ear and waiting for it to be put in the dictionary.

When I saw the word WTFUCKERY today I could not help but think of the times I could have used in in my everyday dealings with other people.

WTFUCKERY moments pop up on a daily basis for us all and we look at these happenings baffled and dumbfounded when a quick and loud use of the this versatile word would have put a fine point on our opinion of the situation.

Doogy Style is a WTFUCKERY moment when mid love making is interrupted by an argument about who is responsible to change the channel. "Honey reach over and grab the remote and put on Leno! WTFUCKERY you do it!"

WTFUCKERY moments:

1. A clothing company in England tweeting about Aurora Colorado trending, the day if the shootings, because people were excited about a Kim Kardashian dress. Obviously automation does not always work.

2. President Obama, "We are doing fine!" Now there is a head up his ass moment.

3. Mitt Romney, "The aurora shooter had mostly illegal guns!" Hmmm! All his guns were bought legally.

4. ''Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers. This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.'' —Rep. Michele Bachmann, suggesting that gay singer Melissa Etheridge should repent after getting cancer, Nov. 2004. What is the correlation between being a lesbian and cancer? Maybe we need a million dollar grant to study that!!

5. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey

6. "It isn't pollution that is harming the environment. It's the impurities in the air and water that are doing it." Al Gore

7. "Your food stamps will me stopped March 1992  because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina.

8. "You guys, line up alphabetically by height.", - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

9. "Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future.", Yogi Berra, Baseball player and manager

10. "And now the sequence of events in no particular order.", Dan Rather, television news anchor

I am asking everyone to start using the word WTFUCKERY on a daily basis. I am sure the opportunities to use it will be readily available. Lets make this word the face of the 2012 Presidential Election. Lord knows that Obama and Romney give us WTFUCKERY moments daily.

Randy

Comedic Home Invasion

In the wee hours of July 15, 2012 a stand up comedian, of reputable note, sneaked into the home of Mr and Mrs Thomas T. Wainwright and terrorized them for several hours. The police, acting on a tip from a relative of said comedian, entered the house and discovered the couple bounded and gagged in their bed.

This comedian, who looked much like Michelle Bachmann, forced this suburban couple to listen to her ramblings about random thought that she demanded then to help her solve.

Mrs Wainwright is quoted as saying, "She was demanding answers that we just did not have, It was maddening!"

Soon after binding and gagging the couple she started asking questions such as 'If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? and Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

The Bachmann look alike rambled about God and homosexuals, Obama and alien procession and then China's anal obsession with Europe. "It was more than I could handle", stated Mr Wainwright.

More questions followed, 'Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?, If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? and Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?'

After several hours Mrs Wainwright found herself in sympathy with the woman and actually thinking about answers to 'Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? and If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?'

Mr Wainwright begged his wife to get control of her senses but the constant barrage of questions and random thoughts held her captive even more than her physical restraints.

Mr Wainwright started to succumb to this constant assault on his thought processes.

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

On and on this went until the swat team finally burst in and put an end to the situation. The Wainwrights have been admitted to a hospital for observation. Coincidentally it is the same hospital that they are observing this Bachmann look alike.

I have only one question that I would like answered, "Why do we listen to and write about anything Michelle Bachmann says?" She is obviously delusional and in need of  OBSERVATION  at a reputable hospital.

Randy

PS...Yes I made all the up, silly people, for my own amusement.

Solar Panels, Home Mortgages And Big Boobs

In our everyday mundane lives what does solar panels, home mortgages and big boobs have in common?  To the eye of the normal human being nothing really. So why are so many big breasted women featured in advertisements for home mortgages and solar panels on Face Book?

I realize that this is just a marketing tool but do advertising agencies and their clients truly believe that we, the consuming public, are so shallow that a well placed boob, with amazing nipples, propped upon a woman that no normal man, who is not endowed with a herculean penis, will ever get the opportunity to enjoy first hand. Whew!! That was a mouth full, lol. Apparently they do believe just that about is.

Now I am not one to complain about a site like that pictured above but gees it would take so much more for me to invest in solar panels or change a home mortgage. Now if she was to come to my house and install the panels naked then maybe, maybe I would consider the purchase, lol.

The point here is that these people believe that sex sells but I do not agree with that all the time. Yes sex can sell more bikinis or more tight fitting jeans. Sex can sell most clothes. And sex can sell more condoms.

But sex will not sell a home mortgage as the actual person that will handle your mortgage, a middle aged over weight man usually, is someone you definitely do not want handling any other part of your body.

There is no chance that sex can sell hemorrhoid cream or a wart remover. Nor will it sell household cleaning supplies because no matter how much they try to use sex with these products there is nothing sexy about cleaning the house. With the possible exception of the shower if the woman was to climb in with you and clean. Hmmm!

One thing I did find, that a sexually charged advertisement swayed me, was one advertisement for Popsicles. Picture a beautiful woman, perched on a beach chair, licking, sucking and devouring a Popsicle while the ice cold Popsicle jucies drip on her well endowed chest. Her fingers wiping the fallen droplets from her breasts and then rubbing the across her lips.

Oh Yeah!! Bring on the Popsicles!!!!!

Randy

Please Make Her A Bra!

We celebrate a handful! We are exuberant about a mouthful! We stare at them, fantasize about them, desire to touch them and lose control at the site of them.

They are one of the first things that we are given as a new born to provide us sustenance and we touch them before we are capable of touching ourselves.

Yet nothing has prepared us for 102ZZZ and 89 pounds total weight.

We have all been treated to surgically enhanced breasts blessing the bodies of women all over the world but these humongous globes of temptation delight are ALL NATURAL.

That's right kiddies! No implants! Just Gods gift or nightmare according to how you look at it. Because this breast blessed woman is in search of someone, anyone, to make her a bra that will support her.

Many have tried and known have succeeded.

Annie Hawkins-Turner, a 53-year-old from Atlanta, Georgia who has a bra size of 102ZZZ, told TLC's Strange Sex that she is a 'celebrity in other countries' due to her Guinness World Record-breaking breasts.

She further stated that she has never had a bra that could support her and that within 30 minutes of putting one on her 'girls were in her lap'. Oh what a happy lap that must be, lol.

Recently The University of Innsbruck said that archaeologists found four linen bras dating from the Middle Ages in an Austrian castle. That means that women have been wearing bras some 600 years.

Where our inventors? We put men into space and have landed them on the moon. We have robots that are exploring Mars. Do not tell me we can not invent a bra that will support this poor woman in a way that will enhance our, oh wait I mean her, life, lol.

Someone get these puppies upright and pointing ahead of her like God intended.

I want to see structural engineers, space age materials specialists and women's fashion designers forming groups to study this problem.

We must preserve these natural resources and display them for all the world to ogle and fantasize over.

I willingly will throw my hat, hands and anything else needed to assist this research. I have already started strengthening my upper body to assist in lifting the girls to new heights.

Surely there are tax breaks available to assist us in this paying for research. Surely there are people willing and able to help find a way to elevate these amazing globes to the heavens.

In a land where excess seems to be a virtue these wonders of the world should standout as shinning examples of  'If a little is good a lot is a whole freaking much better'.

Randy

Banning of Ideas And Thought Is Despicable

I recently read an article about the top 10 books banned because of content. I will not mention the books titles as I do not want to add to the stupidity of book banning and in some cases burning. It amazes me that in a free society we have people who feel the need to infringe upon the written ideas of others.

I believe that banning ideas, just because they present a view other than yours, is the first step to tyranny. The banning of independent thought, by any society, leads to societies that want and will impose one point of view over others.

If you can ban books about gender orientation that you do not believe; you can ban books about history you do not want to believe. Once history is banned and altered can the banning of political or religious thought be far behind.

Far fetched you say? Ask the German people about this subject post WWI. Ask the Russian people post 1917. Ask the Cubans post Castro's revolution. Ask the North Koreans, or the Iranians, or the Tibetans or those who lived under the Taliban.

The ideas of the human race, as presented in literature, movies, television and newspapers, whether we share those ideas or not are a cornerstone of a free society.

People crave the chance to read anything they deem important to them. The human mind is a sponge that wants to absorb, dissect and understand ideas on all subjects. Denial of the opportunity to gain knowledge in an open and free manner is a crime against humanity.

Everyday I see first hand, through this blog, that people seek knowledge. I have readers from all over the world and am particularly pleased when people from societies with weak records on freedoms find their way here.

It must be quite confusing to peoples of other societies suffering from blocked free thought to read that there are people here in the United Sates who would ban a book or a movie. Shame on us!

Ideas, whether political or religious, need to be nurtured and allowed to be presented in a free and open manner.

You do not have to agree with all that is printed and it is you right, as a member of a free society, to not agree. It is also your right to have your rebuttal, of thought that you disagree with, published in a free and open manner.

I wonder how the those who call for banning of some ideas would fell if it was there ideas that were being banned. Ponder that kiddies!

Randy

Nostalgia~What A Cute Word

Yesterday I was reading an article about one woman's memory of her childhood and all the things that were done then that no longer exist today. I am a nostalgic person by nature and looking back in time has always been an enjoyable past time for me.

In Ann Brenoff's article, 'Things The Way They Were', she mentions many things that seem to break the rules thhat we live by today. Like riding in cars, as children, with no seat belts and younger children sitting on Moms lap. Our parents smoking while we were in the room with them and for that matter smoking in the house.

No child proof lids, riding on public transportation to get to work or go shopping, eating canned tuna without worrying about mercury content, putting sugar in baby food so it would taste good if Mom had to lick the spoon, riding bicycles without helmets, adding red and green dyes to our food, Mac N Cheese was a meal not a side dish, TV diners we actually eaten in front of the TV and only 3 working TV stations are more things that Ms Brenoff lists.

Probably the most devestating thing we did not have, especially for the men, was no TV remote control. OMG! Up and down to change channels and adjust volume a million times. My father would sit me close to the TV so I could change channels for him, lol. At least this was the plan when Mom was not around. If Mom was home I would hear. "Randy get away for the TV you are ruining your eyes!"

Growing up in Brooklyn there were other things I can remember fondly. Mom calling us from the apartment window to come to dinner. Playing 'stoop ball' in the street. Opening the fire hydrants to keep cool in the summer. Walking to school about 10 or 12 blocks and no it was not up hill both ways, lol. Going into the local bar, at age 10,  and getting beer for my Dad and my uncles and bringing it home in a cardboard container. Getting a 'kanish'(a yummy deep fried potato thingy that was salted and served by Jewish street vendors) everyday on my way home from school. These are things that all us kids did and are fond memories.

But there are things that are unique to me and that the modern 'how to raise your children' mystics would scratch their heads in amazement while dialing children's services.

My grandfather, a saintly 5'4" Northern Italian gentleman, was our baby sitter while Mom and Dad worked. As such he was responsible for our breakfast. He decided that we needed to be slowed down a bit so he could keep up with us so he served us a unique breakfast to accomplish his goals.

We ate crusty Italian bread soaked in Chianti wine every morning. My brother and I were smashed by 9am and very easy to control, lol. Later I found out that it was common breakfast fare when he was a child.

My grandfather made his own Chianti. Grapes grown in his small backyard were converted to the most amazing wine that was coveted by many older men in our neighborhood. As my grandfather got older he had some problems doing the grape crushing. He had a machine but it was manually run. So he attached a roller contraption to the crusher gears and fastened my bicycle to the roller. I rode my bike, in the house basement, and helped crushed the grapes.

Grandfather and I had the most wonderful relationship and every minute I spent with him are precious. While reading Mrs Brenoff's article my mind constantly drifted back to those days on Marcy Avenue in Brooklyn, NY. I can not remember a single unhappy time while living there.

Oh to be a child again!!!!!

Randy

The Fun And Games Of Dementia

I am approaching my 101st birthday, according to my Second Life partner, lol. As I look at myself in the mirror, and this is not an easy thing for a 101 year old to do, I see the changes of time staining my body.

I look upon myself as a work in progress but one in which the government is in charge of taking the lowest bids for my work and I am stuck in a limbo of sagging skin, development of man boobs and and an ass that looks and feels like a half filled sand bag.

To further complicate my situation I may be starting to lose me memory. So I took particular interest in an article entitled '11 Early Signs Of Dementia'. A review of them may help some of you older farts who are approaching 100, lol.

~ Frequent Falling~I do not have this one except when I am trying to walk my hound dog on a leash. Hound doge and leashes are not compatible.

~Missing Sarcasm~I never miss sarcasm, that I can remember, as it is part of my everyday conversational makeup. This may explain why I do not have many friends.

~A Disregard for the Law~Again, I do not fall into this category. I have great regard for the law although I can not always separate 'my law' from yours.

~Staring~ OK you got me here. I do stare at people a lot. People not inanimate objects. My favorite place to stare at people is while sitting on a bench outside of Victoria Secrets. This serves this old man in several ways; 1. I get exercise walking around the mall, 2. I fulfill the fantasies only an old man can have while looking at younger beautiful women and 3. I get a good laugh seeing 'Bertha Butt' trying to squeeze into something meant for a much younger and svelte woman.

~Eating Objects~ LOL! WTH! Nope I only eat what is meant to be eaten.

~Losing Knowledge~Got me again. I am constantly looking up information that I knew before. At least I think I knew it before.

~Losing Empathy~I can think of only two areas where I have lost my empathy and they are politics and dealing with stupid people. In my defense, I have always felt a disdain for stupid people and politicians, being what most of them are, fall into the stupid category. So maybe I can think of only one thing being these seem to be one in the same.

~Ignoring Embarrassment~I do not embarrass easily and am guilty of embarrassing others so I may have this one.

~Compulsive, Ritualistic Behaviors~I am not a hoarder but I am compulsive about some things. Like cleanliness and order in my home. I am also compulsive about the collecting of information that I deem possibly useful in the future. Hence all the post its and notes cohabiting my house.

~Money Troubles~ HAHAHA! Lets not even go here. Suffice it to say "Don't we all!"

When I tally up my score here I am not doing so bad really. Maybe dementia has not set in yet. Not bad for a 101 year old, lol.

My only real concern is what I call 'Walk To The Kitchen And Forget Syndrome'. It is a function of short term memory. We all suffer from it. You get up from whatever you are doing with a goal in mind only to forget what you got up to do.

It is really not a problem unless I count getting up to pee and forgetting why I am waking about, lol. Maybe 'adult diapers' should be in that list.

Randy

National No Bra Day And I Almost Missed It

Yes kiddies yesterday was National No Bra Day. A fact that almost got past me but as always I left my humble abode bra less yesterday as usual. So I accidentally celebrated the day, lol. The Internet is all a buzz with celebrities that tossed their over priced braziers aside and paraded before the paparazzi to show that they 'supported no support'.

Boobs were bouncing all over the country and no less than the likes of Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Rihanna, Kate Moss, Sharon Stone, Eva Mendes, Miranda Kerr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Janet Jackson, Julianne Hough, Mischa Barton  and Kristen Stewart having been photographed bra less at one point or another in support or no support.

I am flabbergasted by the long line of bra less celebs gracing the Internet today. Funny thing though; no non celebrity pic was to be found. That either means that the women of our general public did not participate or that the photographers decided that we had no interest in non celebrity boobs flopping invitingly around Walmart.

I myself found me trip to Walmart quite satisfying yesterday.Congrats to the Bra Less Women of Walmart and their tattooed Tat Tas.

My biggest surprise was when this picture of a bra less Justine Beiber surfaced.

WOW!! He looks so natural, lol.

Next week I am calling for a day just for the men;

National Let Your Penis Hang Out Of Your Shorts Day

I realize that for some of us this may become a challenge but guys muddle through and throw caution, and your testicles, to the wind.

Join me in a day long celebration on July 16th, 2012 for the First Annual National Let Your Penis Hang Out Of Your Shorts Day.

By the way, in order for me to participate I have had to shorten my cut off jeans until they look like a band aid, lol.

But I finally got that little pecker head to peak out and work on his tan.

Randy

POTUS And SCOTUS~~WTH

Increased use of email, texting and now twitter has raised the art of abbreviating to to an art form. Growing up the names of states were probably the most used abbreviations by civilians and the United States Military's penchant for the use of acronyms is world renowned. The only abbreviation I had experience with was SWAK(sealed with a kiss) that was used on just about every note sent by teenage girls back in the stone age I called my teen years. But today we have an entire new language within the English language and learning it is necessary to understand what is going on around us.

There is a long list of abbreviations that have found their way into everyday life. LOL, OMG, ROFL, LMAO, IKR are all everyday abbreviations almost all of us use and that I barely notice because there use is so common.

Recently I have noticed the news outlets using the abbreviations POTUS(President of the United States) and SCOTUS(Supreme Court of the United States). I am not to crazy about these two as I think they are disrespectful of important American institutions. Besides that would make is COTUS(Citizens of the United States. Men would be MOTUS and women WOTUS. My dog would be DOTUS and my my drug addled neighbor would still be a freaking idiot or the often use abbreviation IWIAM(Idiot wrapped in a moron) could apply here, lol.

My Second Life Partner, Friendly, likes to say that she will get out her 'big bat' to keep me in line when I act SSIF(so stupid it's funny). She threatens to BMOH(Bat me on the head). My reaction is to commence GDR(Grinning, Ducking and Running).

@TEOTD(at the end of the day) the one place I do not want abbreviations is on a sign like this one,lol.

Randy

PS........For those of you who are keeping up with what I am reading BYHNFLOYO(because you have no freaking life of your own);

Armageddon, A Novel of Berlin by Leon Ursis

The Shopkeeper by James D. Best

The Man Who Would Be King by Rudyard Kipling

Get Them Back In The Pews~~Make Church Fun

Christian churches, of all domination's, have witnessed declines in attendance over the past twenty years. Our new fast paced lifestyle combined with a younger generations looking for faith outside of organized religions has contributed to this decline. What religious organizations need to do is make church more fun.

I was brought up Roman Catholic and it would take an act of God to get me back in a pew. My comfort with Buddhism and Eastern Philosophy serves me well but I would venture back into a Catholic service in remembrance of my parents. I think that I would consider that acting in good faith or at lest meting the church halfway.

Accommodations would have to be made for me to return. For instance, the idea of wine and bread being miraculously changed to the body and blood of Christ would be much more impressive, to me anyway, if the conversation was from 'donuts and coffee'. If it was accomplished with pancakes and orange juice I am there every Sunday and first in line.

If they held services in a place that interested me I would consider a return. There was a ministry near my home named Kingdom Place that held their services in a converted Chucky Cheese type restaurant. The children loved it.

Now this is my kind of Kingdom Place meeting hall. Can you imagine pouring out of church service and rushing to be first in line at the Tea Cups or the Dumbo ride, fun, fun, fun.

Finally, when I travel I find it difficult to find a church I want to stop at. But thanks to the ingenuity of my God fearing friends a solution is at hand.

What convenience for road trips and the back deck will hold my beer cooler nicely, lol.

One last thing on a more serious note. The concept of being 'God fearing'. Frankly I find it stupid. God should not ever be feared.

Loved!
Respected!
Worshiped!
Adored!

Those are words that come to mind when I think of a relationship with God.

FEAR! NEVER!

Randy

Sometimes A Porch, A Rocking Chair And A Guitar Is All You Need To Fix Things.

Sometimes a porch, a rocking chair and a guitar is all you need to fix things.

There are times when a television show rolls out some good old home spun advice and it makes perfect sense. Keep life simple, enjoy your family and take everyday as it comes with a smiles and an outstanding attitude. That was Sheriff Andy Taylor's outlook on life in Mayberry. I believe that the character of Sheriff Taylor was very easy for Andy Griffith to play because they are one in the same. That laid back simple man was Andy Griffith. He was just rocking on that porch being himself.

With the passing of Andy Griffith a little bit of Americana has slipped away. That is sad but we should not dwell on his passing but rather on what he has left us. The attitude that no problem is so insurmountable that a simple conversation, a song and a rock on the front porch could not solve it. That is what we need to remember and that is how we should approach life.

The Huffington Post, in an article by Carol Hartsell, listed 10 things we learned from the Andy Griffith Show.

~~Sometimes a porch, a rocking chair and a guitar is all you need to fix things.(in my opinion the most important lesson)

~~Birds have to fly away.(A life lesson on growing up)

~~You don't want to go to the wood shed, ever.

~~Explaining higher math to children can be complicated.

~~How to get to first base.

~~Sometimes your kids are telling the truth even when it seems ridiculous.( I learned this one the hard way)

~~The town drunk doesn't know anything about women.

~~Lying about how much you love Aunt Bee's pickles will always backfire on you.

~~You have to take care of your friends.
~~How the economy worked before the banks screwed it up.

I know that some of these do not make sense to many of you if you did not watch The Andy Griffith Show religiously. You can get the videos of the above learning experiences at, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/03/rip-andy-griffith-10-things-we-learned_n_1646663.html?ref=topbar#slide=1178929

Andy Griffith will be greatly missed especially here in North Carolina. If you ever find yourself in Mount Airy NC visit the Andy Griffith Museum. In September Mount Airy celebrates 'Mayberry Days, a fun family activity.

And if you get hungry visit Aunt Bea's Restaurant in Pilot Mount, NC. Its close by and the food is good. By the way, Pilot Mountain = Mount Pilot(think about it).

The pickles are better than you might think, lol.

Randy