For The Murder Of John Doe You Are Sentenced To 18,250 Bowel Movements!!

The headline that got me going today was, 'Babatunde Omidina, Nigerian Actor, Freed After 25 Successful Bowel Movements'.  It is a very short article, at The Huffington Post, so I will reprint here here so you can read it.

'Some prisoners cross off the days until they are set free. This prisoner had to wait until his 25th bowel movement.

Nigerian comic actor Babatunde Omidina, known by his stage name Baba Suwe, was arrested last month at Lagos' international airport on suspicion of trying to smuggle drugs to Europe, according yo AFP. But after 24 days in detention during which his bowel movements were closely monitored by authorities, a judge ordered Omidina's release, AFP reports.

"There have been several examinations carried out on him and no banned substances have so far been found," his lawyer Bamidele Aturu told the court, according to the BBC.

A family source told The Nation that Omidina was recovering from the "gruesome experience" of being held by the country's National Drug Law Enforcement Agency. Omidina, whose arrest shocked his fans, acts in both English and Yoruba language films, the BBC reports.'

Y'all know how my mind works. This could be a great new sentencing technique for all crimes. Today's Blog Title basses the murders sentence on 50 years for doing the crime and assumes that the prisoner will have ONE BOWEL MOVEMENT each of the 18,250 days of his 50 years of confinement. But here is where sentencing can get creative.

A prisoner with 'constipation' would serve more time. One with 'diarrhea' may serve less. It is a 'Crap Shoot' as to how much time they will actually serve. Also, a creative judge could say that a bowel movement that was mainly diarrhea must be done 2 or 3 times and only count as one bowel movement. After all we do not want some conniving prisoner finding a way to give himself 'dysentery' and serving only a few weeks for a major crime.

Of course there is a price associated with this type of sentencing. Training for 'prison poop inspectors' to recognize actual bowel movements from those being faked will be very important. I do foresee an underground market for feces smuggled into prison and used to try and 'clog up' the system.

There will also be associated costs on increased documentation; such as photography of each movement for the records. Also DNA testing of each movement to make sure it actually belongs to the person who claims to have 'produced' it.

This is a work in progress obviously. I think if the Federal Government could see their way clear to grant me approximately One Million US Dollars I could do an adequate study from my new house in the Caribbean, lol.

Love ya,
Randy