Dinner was quiet for the most part with short bursts or conversation that avoided anything to do with and seemed to center on me. She asked questions and by keeping me answering them she kept my questions bottled up inside of me.
After drinks, in the hotel bar, and listening to some relaxing and at the same time disturbing romantic music she headed back to her room. We had made arrangements to walk together tomorrow.
I sat in the bar for another hour drinking and thinking. It must be hard for her to sit in here and watch all these happy newlyweds enjoying what has been denied her. I could sense her uneasiness and I think that is what put me on edge.
There is a glow about this woman that shines through the sadness. I was intrigued. But at the same time I saw my dilemma in this situation. Am I the man I want to be and just find ways to comfort her or am I so enthralled that I overlook all common sense and do something I may regret.
I had no answers. Not yet anyway. They would come in time as all answers do. The question is, 'Would I be able to agree with my own answers or go against myself as I often do?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This mornings walk was on the steepest and rockiest path that this mountain had to offer. For the most part we walked in silence only breaking it to talk about the views or the many flowers. There were small touches between us; when we crossed rocky area that required extra support and when we stopped for lunch and were passing things to each other.
A few times I caught her eyes on me. I was hoping she had missed the many glances I sent her way.
My answers were not coming and quickly and I was getting inpatient to have them.
After a short rest we headed up again. While crossing a small stream she slipped and in giving her support I found myself pulling her close to me. At first she stayed within my arms; even snuggling into me a bit. But then she pulled away and kept walking.
It was an awkward and yet exciting moment. One of those accidental intimate moments that writers slip into books that may or may not be acted upon in a later chapter. I was uncertain whether I would be living that later chapter or just writing it.
We rested again at trails end sitting and enjoying the views. Sitting close together, on a small rock, almost touching. Feeling the warmth of her so close in the cool, crisp mountain air.
She caught me staring at her. Green eyes shining in the sunlight. She had let her black hair free of its restraints and it was cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall. Her tanned skin glistening with dampness from the walk.
Looking into my eyes she faintly said. "What?" I almost could not speak and was embarrassed for being caught looking.
It was almost an unconscious move; my hand reaching for her neck and caressed it. Somehow I was pulling her toward me and there was no resistance. Our lips met and I can honestly say that for the next few minutes I was, she was, out of control.
We sat looking at each other speechless. I was embarrassed, sad and excited all at once. After, what seemed like an eternity, she smiled and leaned in and kissed me again. A kiss that held both promise and caution.
When we got back to the hotel she reached for my hand, held it for a brief second, turned and walked away. I watched her until she was out of site then sat in the bar drinking and trying to figure out what just happened.
And what was going to happen next.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was passing a very restless night. Sleep invaded by thoughts of her. Could not get her out of my mind.
During dinner I had been fixated on her black hair falling down over one eye. It was haunting me. What was that hidden eye seeing that she was not revealing to me. My imagination, running wild, was stealing the sleep my body craved.
I knew that she was leaving in the morning. So many things were left unsaid. Did I even have the right to pursue any sort of relationship with her? Was I taking advantage of her grief?
Answers to my questions were left floating in my room like a fog. I felt helpless to control my feelings; to hold them back. I did not want to hold back. I wanted to know everything, feel every emotion and have her here with me. Sleep finally overtook me. A sleep fueled by exhaustion, alcohol and desire.
I was awakened by a knock at my door. Midnight; I was groggy and staggered to the door. Through sleepy eyes I saw her. Standing back lit by the hall lights. The light revealing her body beneath her night gown. I was speechless and just stared. Every fiber of me wanted this woman. I could see that she had been crying. My mouth opened to say something but no words would come to me. She reached up her hand and set it against my lips. A sign that she wanted control.
Stepping into the room she closed the door and threw her arms around my neck pulling me down to her. Our lips met with a passion that I barely knew existed. I pushed her against the door and pressed into her without breaking the kiss.
She brought a leg up around my thigh and pulled me to her. I could feel her body trembling against me. My excitement rising and uncontrollable.
"Tonight! Just tonight!", she moaned.
I lifted her up and carried her to the bed; our clothes being tossed in every direction. As I moved her onto the bed I felt her entire body give into me; her legs pulling me on top of her. My mouth found her breast and with each kiss, each nibble she let out moans that were getting stronger, louder.
For the next two hours we explored and enjoyed each others bodies in ways only true lovers can. Our passions ebbing and flowing in waves of desire that drained ever ounce of energy form me.
When sleep came she was laying with her head on my chest; one leg encircling mine and holding me in place.
I felt no stress; no restless sleep.
I woke to sunlight pouring into the room. "Rose!" I was alone in the bed. I called out again, "Rose!. No answer.
Jumping out of bed I quickly surveyed the room. She was gone. On the bedside table I found a note.
Tony,
I have no words for what you have given me.
Thank you,
Rose
On the back was written her Boston address and phone number.
I quickly packed and called the concierge to inform them I was checking out. Taking the first flight to Boston I could get on.
With luck, upon my return to Lake Como next year; I will no longer be 'il Sinngle'.
No comments:
Post a Comment