From The Urban Dictionary; Wallflower: a type of loner. Seemingly shy folks who no one really knows. Often some of the most interesting people if one actually talks to them. Cute.
Lets break that down and apply it to The Newly Minted Man. It has been said that I am a loner, not needing other people to validate myself but I do need, and even crave, companionship. Having an interesting and intelligent woman, that challenges me, is a linchpin of my existence. Having a meaningful relationship with such a woman seems essential to my well being. Stupidity is a crime that I avoid at all costs.
In my past Second Life existence shyness did not exist. I can not really explain that phenomenon as in my Real Life I do tend to be a bit shy. Which is strange as I do many of my life's activities alone and am forced to present in public as an unshy competent person. I have always believed that shyness was a trait that made for good acting. Stepping into a role so unlike yourself and playing that role to perfection, while overcoming your inherent shyness, is the greatest form of acting in my opinion. Woody Harrelson in Natural Born Killers comes to mind as an example.
In truth no one really knows the real me in part because of my shyness and in part because I do not reveal my inner self to many people. My 17 year old daughter gets me. My 21 year old son just shakes his head and hopes that he does not become me. We all have an interesting dynamic.
I do believe myself to be intelligent and interesting but I could be deluding myself on this point. I leave it up to the reader to decide these issues.
As for Cute, LOL! Well my avatar is not bad at all albeit a work in progress. I am confident with my shirt off at any beach in Second Life. In Real Life I AM WEARING A PARKER 24/7, LOL.
So there you have it. The Newly Minted Man ready to take it to the streets; shyness and all. I chose a Haper Messmer show; I knew it would be crowded and I enjoy his shows.
On arrival I was greeted with an IM; "Why did you unfriend me? What did I do to insult you?". So much for me remaining anonymous! If I had not mentioned this before; when all these problems began, and in a panic, I unfreinded almost all the people on my Friends List. A knee jerk reaction that I truly regret. I explained to this person what was going on and her reaction was to offer me friendship. I was not as anonymous as I had hoped but was off to a less than painful start to my new life.
I had cleared my profile of my past life. All I inserted was this; The Third Re-Invention Of Myself,,,,One Day I Will Get it Right!! Very true as written but not explanatory as to my situation.
Now comes 'The Wallflower Effect' as it applies to me. I took up a place in the back of the room; hidden behind a group of people that I thought would keep me out of view. But this is Second Life and Profile Perving is not something only I do. It is a well honed sport in Second Life and is performed by almost everyone. Even though almost everyone will deny they do it, lol.
The music was good. I was enjoying just being out and about. My confidence was building while my anonymity was being my ally. Then I received another IM. In essence I was being asked, "If I may ask what does the statement in your profile mean?' Yes I was being Perved and my cover was blown.
I was at a crossroads here. Tell her some off the wall story that would get me back to my place on the wall or come clean. I had vowed that my days of fabricating stories were over, and having not really talked to anyone in days, I jumped into what was going on. She listened. She asked questions. And then she asked me to sit down with her. We talked. We laughed and God did I need to laugh. We shared several dances. I gained a new friend.
The next day we went out dancing and I was gaining some confidence. I had someone that was easy to talk to and even better listened.
She offered me a place to stay until I was on my feet. I had sold my land and was homeless. She grounded me a bit and gave me some direction. I was starting to feel better.
Her support added to that of The Psycho Riot Bitches Roller Derby Team was getting me back on track.
Tomorrow: The Blog I know you all have been waiting for, lol. The purchase of my Man Parts. This was an adventure that I never saw coming.
Love ya,
Night
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