Canadian Prime Minister Reassures The World On Reactor Safety!!

In a story that broke this past week;  the Canadian Prime Minister,  Stephen Harper ,  reassured the public that its new reactors are safe from the types of damage the we have seen in Japan after the earthquake and tsunami disasters.

The Prime Minister is quoted as saying; "In light of recent global events, I want to assure everyone that our maple syrup reactors are still the safest in the world," Harper said. "A team of engineers inspected every maple syrup reactor in Canada and found that all the backup systems and safeguard measures were in place and functioning properly."

According to Canadian maple syrup authorities, a 30-day assessment of the nation's Pressurized Heavy Syrup Reactors determined the sugar-maple cores were sufficiently cool, xylem sap levels remained stable, and spent maple-candy rods had been disposed of according to regulations. In addition, engineers were reportedly encouraged after monitoring sensors indicated boiling temperatures remained in a safe range that would prevent a devastating maple syrup catastrophe.

 Liam McGraw, the chairman of the Canadian Maple Syrup Safety Commission stated; "As you can imagine, we have numerous fail-safes in place in case of emergencies," said McGraw, gesturing toward several diagrams. "These include protective barriers consisting of thick steel, concrete, and batter-cake walls with indented lattice patterns that soak up and contain the sweet, sticky liquid."

McGraw further stated, "We've learned our lesson from the 1998 Winnipeg incident," McGraw said of the infamous core meltdown, which released dark amber material into the environment, coating vegetation and wildlife in the viscous liquid. "If there were a disaster, we'd be prepared for it. We have protective flapjack fortifications in place to ensure containment."

I have volunteered to spear head an American effort to assist the Canadians in any cleanup effort should there be any kind of a leak. At present the newly formed group, Americans For All You Can Eat Pancake Meals, is hording in bulk  a good creamy butter and pancake ingredients and storing these supplies in our new warehouse in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

GOD!! I HOPE THE CANADIANS HAVE ENOUGH COFFEE AND SAUSAGE AVAILABLE IF WE NEED TO GO TO THEIR ASSISTANCE!!

Love ya,
Night

PS......Two things I need to mention now before I move on to other topics; 1. This story came from the website The Onion and 2. Please keep in mind that I am a writer of Fiction.