Follow Up Report~~Obama Jumps Into The 100% Recycled Toilet Paper Controversy!!

I bet you did not even know that there was a controversy about 100% Recycled Toilet Paper. But President Obama upped the ante this week by stating that the Libyan Affair was a TURD SANDWICH. This one statement sent the White House Procurement Office into a tizzy trying to get the best price on toilet paper they could get. After all; Turd Sandwiches require Toilet Paper Napkins.

To further complicate this controversy; the White House Chef, Cristeta Pasia Comerford, has never prepared a Turd Sandwich. This is the White House kitchen after all so plain white bread just will not do. A bread that will hold up to the weight of a turd and also be able to handle, what I expect will be a problem, the moisture content of some turds. Then there is the condiments that will go onto the sandwich. A plain sandwich may be to dry or moist, who the hell knows, to stand alone on bread.

Damn Libyans!! Why did they cause this problem? Try to help someone and they take advantage by trying to force people to change their eating habits. As a patriotic American I see only one path for me here. I need to try and help with concise research and profound advice to the White House kitchen. This has to be a fantastic sandwich as I just heard that it cost us ONE BILLION DOLLARS so far.

I am calling on my ever present and always correct research assistant; GOOGLE, to help me with this undertaking. Why?  Well because Google is always there for me and I do not have to pay it. Win~Win for me!

The Bread!! My feeling here is that some kind of a roll or baguette would do best. But since I want to make sure this sandwich is all American made(that French baguette thing sort of turns me off); I turned to the Subway kitchens for my choice.

My Choice: Honey Oat Bread from Subway. It has a slightly sweet taste that should help offset the tartness of a turd. I mean I do not personally know that it has a tart taste but  I have tried to consult with Vice President Bidens people for confirmation on taste. Funny I could not get through to them. As you may know he eats a lot of turds. I am thinking; 'What goes in comes out, right?'

Here is a picture of a Veggie Sub on Honey Oat Bread. Looks yummy!! I think the bread is a perfect choice.

The Cheese!  Well American of course! I am thinking a mixture of the Yellow and White American cheeses. This way we can get double the cheese in the sandwich. Maybe the armour of the cheese will cover some of the other amours I expect will be present.

You just can not go wrong with American cheese! I am salivating already.

The Veggies & Condiments!  I believe that everyone should have a choice of veggies and condiments so the chef should set up a Veggie/Condiment table and let the guests choose what they want. I am assuming here that this will be served at a State Dinner. A lot of people will be partaking of Turd Sandwiches before this Libya Not A War thing is over.

Toasted Or Not Toasted!  Now here is the question. The final piece to the Turd Sandwich Puzzle. So many people will struggle with this one. But as my loyal readers know; I always have a solution. While ordering your Turd Sandwich ask the AGE of the turd you are about to consume.  If it is FRESH then it will already be warm and toasting will probably over heat the sandwich. But if it is older, lets say like 10 to 14 days like President Obama's speech to explain Libya to us, TOAST THE FERKING THING!! It may do down easier. I doubt it but you will need to try something to make all this palatable.

As always I had little help from some people on this subject. South Park was no help at all. There rendition of the Turd Sandwich was really lacking.

And this guy offered me a ride to study the subject first hand but the car must have needed cleaning because it was giving off an awful odor.

Bon Appetit!! Damn French!!

Love ya,
Night

PS....Why do you all encourage me? Now I am watching my mail box for letters from the IRS. What does it mean when a big black SUV, with tinted windows, parks outside your house all day?