A New Menace Is Spreading Across America!! Be Scared,, Very Scared!!

I do not know where to turn for help. Every park and small patch of woods is harboring a menace that will end our civilization as we know it. If this continues to spread a Zombie invasion will pale in comparison. I have no idea what the US Government is thinking. As I understand it; the Army, Nave and Air Force are not on full alert. As a matter of fact; several US military people reached to comment on this menace had no idea what I was talking about.

Of course I am talking about the repeated and unprovoked attacks by squirrels; that is spreading like wold fire across the land.

OMG!! Look at this thing. Attacks have been reported against both humans and animals alike. My whole outlook on what I thought was a harmless woodland creature has changed.

They are storming castles in every backyard in America. No quarter,,no mercy given. Children are hiding under their beds.

The larger, of their species, have developed the ability to spit fire. Our major cities are in danger of being overwhelmed.

No one seems to see the danger. Everyone has stuck there head in the ground to avoid this issue. May I remind you of how much Prairie Dogs look like squirrels? Your head, while stuck in the ground, may well be chomped off.

Prairie Dogs are being whipped into a frenzy buy the bold acts of this evil squirrel infestation.

I have cleaned and loaded all my guns. Traps have been set around my homes perimeter so I have an early warning of any squirrel army advancement. All the bridges to my island have road blocks set up and are manned 24 hours a day. Each car is inspected. We are constantly looking for Squirrel Sympathizers.

Some of us are already fighting back. We will not go down without a fight.

Some of my neighbors caught this one tyring to swim to the island. OMG!! Squirrels have learned how to swim.

Reports of them using automatic weapons have filtered in from the front lines. We need to find out who is supplying these weapons.

My bet is that the Keebler Elves are making these weapons in those damn magic trees. I am not nuts!! Squirrels live in trees. The Keebler Elves live in trees. They have to be allies. No more cookie goodness. DAMN ELVES!!

 You are all on notice. The war has begun. No one will be left unscathed.  Our losses could be heavy but are hearts are big and our will to live is strong. Fight on my brothers and sisters. The future of our civilization is in your hands.

Love ya.
Night
(Reporting from my concrete and steel bunker somewhere on Pawleys Island.)

PS....This piece was adapted from an article about a squirrel attacking people in the town of Bennington, Vermont. Anything is possible kiddies.